Soul to Sound

Soul to Sound


With fingers dancing
and eyes closed tight,
the sounds were prancing
into the night

The old ivory keys,
fingers take their toll.
While the notes would tease
the boy’s pure soul.

The boy is amazed,
it feels like his dream.
And his mind is dazed,
at this beautiful team.

Fingers to keys
and soul to sound,
So finally he sees
what he has found

Eyes full of tears
and a sad little sigh,
the truth is near,
all this is a lie.

He opens his eyes,
his dream has fled.
The music dies,
he lay in his bed.

**I'm not very good at judging my own poetry. I'm not sure if I'm good, really. I just wanted to give it a shot. Haha. So, keep and work on, or no, get rid of?

Despite the fact that the rhyming is a little stereotypical, I do adore the story that this poem is conveying. Music is a beautiful thing, a beautiful inspiration. I am glad you wrote about such a thing, though the end was sad. The music being a lie was a bit of a depressing ending. Does it indicate that when the music died, a part of him did as well?

Kind of. The boy's soul is the music, hence the pure part. ^_^ So, yes, in a way. His dream is to live a life of beautiful music, that he can create but it's only just a dream. =)
Thanks for your comments!

this is a moving poem. i noticed that it is in present tense. you stuck with that the entire time, which is actually quite impressive and difficult. now, some people might say that this is hard to understand. (a bit.) i would agree, but the point of poetry isn't to understand! it is to feel, and be caressed by the gentle, terrifying, stirring, infuriating, aggressive words you use. your poem did this. i DO NOT see why a poem must have a plot; it's a poem, people. not saying yours didn't have a purpose or plot.
to summarize:
--very well laid out
--you have mastered present tense
--very much emotion

Keep going!

Hey there. I'll get the icky stuff over with first.

The rhythm of this in several parts was out, and some of the phrases are awkwardly worded, or improperly punctuated.

As far as experience has shown me some people can get the rhythm, and some people just can't, it takes a lot of work to get the hang of it. If you get rid of that then it's easier to phrase things. Also, you should go through and imagine there aren't any line breaks. It's easier to spot the half-formed sentences and misplaced punctuation that way.

That said, I loved this poem! The story behind it and the way you've written it are beautiful. Something about the 'fingers dancing' and 'old ivory keys' drew me right in. I'd say definately keep working at it

The rhythm plays very well in this poem. I really love this, it's very suspenseful and builds excellent imagery throughout the lines. When I finished reading this I was like, "Wow!"
I can't quite pick them out, but some words weren't 'fit' with the sentence they were in. You probably already do this...but reading the poem out loud helps correct lines that don't sound right. You can try that, but overall I don't see much editing for this poem.
~sky

Thanks everyone! Your reviews are much appreciated!

I'll try to work on the punctuation. In fact, I really do see it now as I look it over with. I'm definitely going to edit this soon!

Again, thanks!