Act 1 Scene 1 of a political piece.

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This is the very first scene of my play (which has yet to be titled even though Act 1 is almost done). It's basically setting up the tone and pace for the rest of the play. The style is quite impersonal and cinematic, and there's some multi-media work with projections that comes in later. Oh and be warned of some moderate swearing.

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Act 1 Scene 1 – ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen’

The stage is stark, black. Like a warehouse – the only things onstage could be some supporting poles, some heavy chains. White Screen takes up the back wall.
Screams. Police sirens. Gunshots.
The two hitwomen appear onstage throwing The Speaker in front of them, at gunpoint. They are dressed in black suits, Reservoir Dogs style. Professional, calm, they flank him at both sides and focus on him intently. He is bruised, bleeding. They have been rough with him. HW1 is forceful, her tone is kept level, but we can see the strain.


HW2: This wasn’t supposed to happen! You said we’d keep our distance. Make it neat. Over and done with in a second. What the fuck are we supposed to do now?
HW1: Lesson number 2, kid. Things change. You gotta adapt. We couldn’t have risked hitting anyone else.
HW2: So kidnapping is your solution?!
HW1: No. Merely a movement of the place of execution.
HW2: The Boss...
HW1: Will be fine. So long as we get this done with the same degree of professionalism.
HW2: Aren’t we more likely to get caught this way?
HW1: Yes.
HW2: How come you knew where to go? What is this place?
HW1: It’s just an old warehouse. Disused. Used to come here when I was younger...instead of school, you know?...Actually – go make sure the place is secure. Check all the doors and find some way of blocking the one we came in through. I’ll stay with him.
2 nods her assent and exits, keeping her eyes and her gun on The Speaker until the last second.1 moves closer to him and drives the barrel of her gun into his back.
Don’t try anything. You’re still outnumbered two to one. You know why you’re here?
The Speaker nods, but says nothing. 2 returns, gun aimed at The Speaker.
HW2: We’re not secure, but we should be able to hold up for a while. There’s nothing obvious to suggest we’re here. Apart from the car. No one saw that though, right?
HW1: We can’t be sure, but there’s not a lot we can do until the job’s done.
HW2: How do you want to do this?
HW1: I say we do it on 3. Right here. Right now. Just shoot. Clean. Simple. Easy. Leave him here for the rats and stray dogs to eat. He deserves no better.
HW2: On three then...One...Two...
Music: something like Hysteria by Muse.
Stylised Fight sequence. It’s beautiful, but ends in his death. The final image is of the two hitwomen with their guns pressed against the back of The Speaker’s head at arm’s length, with him knelt on the floor DSC. Switch to back lighting so they are entirely in silhouette. Long pause as we look at this image.

HW2: THREE!
Blackout. The sound of a single gunshot – we don’t know which one fired. Sound of The Speaker’s body falling to the floor.
'In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?'

-William Blake




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Alright, pretty good, except that you mentioned a stage in the beginning. it confuses me, because by the end you're explaining things as if it were a movie (silhouettes and all that) which is OK, but you need to stay a little more focused and together: just chose one and stay with it.
Why would they need to take him away if they were only gonna kill him? I mean, they were gonna leave ht body behind anyways, right?
Also, your bit about a 'stylized fight scene'? What does that mean? If it's a movie, then explain it out a bit, but if it's a play, then maybe you should consider cutting it (that's my opinion). It's all up to you, but it seems strange that you would have this blank spot there. It's you telling us "Oh, and...there was a fight scene, but to get back to the story..."
See what I mean?

Anyways, nice work overall. it has suspense, and we (the reader audience) want to find out more, who the Speaker is, why they had to kill him, what political problems will ensue from his death and all that jazz.
-ж-Ж-ж-




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Thanks for the comment - I'm going to address what you've said a bit at a time.
1. The silhouette is created by front-lighting (and as a techie, I assure you that's possible on stage)
2. The stylised fight is somewhat of a work-in-progress. It needs some actors to step in and do a workshop with myself and a fight director from my particular theatre company. That should probably have been explained in my mini-intro so I apologise for that.
3. The bit about taking him away is explained later. This scene is essentially to set up the gravity of the situation. I want my audience to see the murder before any pre-requisites of emotion have been laid, and then when the rest of the situation becomes apparent, I want them to re-assess it. I hope that makes sense. It's a distancing techniqe really.
Thanks for the feedback though - I now know what may need to be clearer.
xxxx
'In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?'

-William Blake



the only theft here is of decency when carina decided to rob me of my pride and put me on a banana
— veeren