The Finish Line

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I’m almost there. I can see the bright pink tape marking the finish line. I can imagine his smiling face, and his cold hands holding my hot sweaty cheeks. But disappointment is in the air. I can’t see him. He’s not there.
As the pink tape breaks against my body I search frantically for him. I had just completed a marathon, and he wasn't there. Sweat runs down my forehead and I breathe ragged breaths, placing my hands on my head.
“He’s not here,” I say softly, still searching for him. “He’s not here.”
I close my eyes, beginning my cool-down walk. One of the volunteers quickly hands me a water bottle, knowing from my red sweaty face that I definitely need it.
I feel my knees collapse from beneath me like a collapsible ladder. I am unscrewing the the top off my water bottle as I fall, the water sloshing over the rim. I suddenly feel gentle, cool hands catch me, but I take no notice. I just let the cold fluid soothed my parched throat.
“Wow! Easy there! Water can make you sick you know.”
Water sprays from my mouth as I hear the familiar voice. I quickly stand up, energy pulsing through my veins. “You’re…you’re here,” I breathe as I feel his cool hands on my sweaty, sun-burned arms.
“You didn’t think I’d miss this did you?” he asks, flashing his smile that I love so dearly. “Oh ye of little faith,” he slowly tucks a stray hair behind my ear, leaning in, and kissing me.
I wrap my hands around his neck, consuming his cologne with my sweaty stench. But I don’t care, and he doesn’t seem to mind either.
“I have something for you. Wait right here.” I watch as he runs off to the nearby parking lot, opening his car door. He takes a box from the passenger seat, sprinting back to me. He places the box in my hands. “For you.”
I slip off the top of the box, finding a new pair of running shoes inside. “Its…shoes,” I say, smiling in spite of the odd gift.
“Try them on,” he urges me, having me sit down on the summer dried grass.
I unlace my Nike tennis shoes and slip on the new pair. But my right foot halts. “There’s something inside,” I say. I pull out my foot, reaching inside and taking out a minute velvet case.
I slowly open the case, revealing a sparkling, diamond ring. I feel my heart drum inside my rib cage and tears pile up. I look up at him, tears brimming with tears.
“Will you marry me?” he whispers the question.
I can’t breathe. All the sounds around us begin to fade. I never thought this would ever happen to me. “Yes,” the simple word tumbles from my lips.
I stand up, and our arms snake around each other, my head burying in his chest. “I love you,” he murmurs in my ear.
“I love you too.”
As he kisses me again, I feel my heart flutter and feel as his hands blindly place the ring on my finger. “I can’t believe it took this long,” I say.
“I know. But no more waiting has to happen. I know, I love you.” He pulls his lips away from mine ever so slightly, kissing me on the forehead again. “My fiance.”
Last edited by Forestqueen808 on Thu Feb 18, 2010 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sorrow lasts through this night
I'll take this piece of you,
and hold for all eternity
For just one second I felt whole... as you flew right through me.


~Sorrow by Flyleaf




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This is too cute! It was so simple, but simple is sometimes better, no crazy plots or dialoge, it was just satisfying. I loved the new shoes and diamond ring thing, that was good. I've always wanted my long term boyfriend to do soemthing that cool, even though I don't run.
Uh the only part that I thought sounded weird was "I know. But no more waiting has to happen." that was the only part and maybe it's just me. But other then that the story was great, it was short but why make it any longer when it's good just like that? Great job again.
Addawen
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me




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Well hello Forestqueen, Izumi here for a quick review. First off, it was very good. I liked how you put what could be a long story into a few paragraphs. You described the feelings quite well and I compliment you. I only found one mistake in the whole thing that could easily be fixed.
Forestqueen808 wrote: I had just completed a marathon, and he was there.

Well, That kind of confused me... I thought you said he wasn't there.

Besides that, I loved the story and I'll be waiting for more of you work!
Anime <3




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I love this! Although I have to agree with the two other reviewers. Those two parts they mentioned were confusing to me and I assume many others as well. Overall, though, this is awesome!!! :D
Even if you see in black and white, think in color...



Overripe sushi, The master Is full of regret.
— Buson