Omnipotenti

A/N: Trying to get out of a writing rut so it's not as good as I hoped. If I made a mistake in my Latin, I apologize.

--

Confess to the omnipotenti - quia peccavi nimis.

Utter your devotions on shattered, bleeding knees
by the jaundiced altars and dark ebony pews.
An unembellished existence languished on trigger-happy madmen
disguised as gilded blackbirds with wolfish grins
offering you a broken image of contentment's phantom
teachings of the fugitive and methods of eradication
to propagate among the cemetery trees -- the latticeworks
of gaunt fingers illuminated by just one headlight.
Soon the carcass of your persona, consigned to oblivion
burnt by letters from the grave digger and the stone-cold pistol.
Crimson lullabies of erupting humanity and trickling sentience
slash at closed eyelids, scars persistent in the sting.
All to become the king of obscene underbellies.
He may forgive you with a heavy hand -

Sanctis apostolis omnibus sanctis. Mihi, quaeso, ignosce.

Run, heavy-hearted, your death bells have rung.

--

Spoiler

Confess to the omnipotenti - quia peccavi nimis. - Confess to the Almighty - that I have sinned

Sanctis apostolis omnibus sanctis. Mihi, quaeso, ignosce. - To all the holy apostles, to all the saints. Please, forgive me

Over all, an enjoying and intriguing read! Some very large worded, tasty phrases in here! Yum!

It sounds kind of like a chant one would say over another, a prophesy. Definitely not a well-wish. I read it not like a poem, as such, but as a line a wise old wizard would shoot off in a fantasy movie. I imagine a guy back lit with fire, with massive eyebrows... whoa, some serious 300 S*** here, Kammie. I'd work on making it less chant-like, softer and sweeter because the strong taste you're conjuring in this dirge is making me cough... Please work on making it more poetic?

I love your vocab, your brilliant imagination sure shows up in your phrases and such, it blew me away. So a 'like' for you, Kammie my dear! Thanks for the read!

~Durrie

Ooh, I liked this. Very haunting and it stuck in my mind. I agree with the previous comment in that it sounds like something an old wizard would say. It sounds more Lord of the rings less harry potter. I can see a story in this. You could write a book with a plot similar to this. I advise you to do so, your onto something good. Thanks for the read! I'm going to like this.

Hey Kamas!

As requested.

My eyes are immediately drawn to the adjectives here. There is a surplus of descriptive words, even by my standards. Some of the adjectives you use clot and clutter the flow of the poem, giving it a heavy-handed feel and as Durriedog said, an almost chant-like quality, guttural and plodding. I would consider cutting a few out here and there in order to make this a little tighter. Already, the meaning of your poem is obscured behind abstract, meandering thought processes...

An unembellished existence languished on trigger-happy madmen/
disguised as gilded blackbirds with wolfish grins

What does that even mean? I don't know. I'm very open minded when it comes to abstract poetry, but the images you incorporated here are just far too contrasting. If there's symbolism here, I must be too dense to reach it...either that, or it's a denseness of the text. As the poem goes on, it becomes even more bogged down and soggy with scattered surrealism.

I do love the last line however...Very Sylvia Plath. And it matches the tone of the poem.

While I don't think that this poem should be scrapped, I think that in the future you should concentrate less on elevating the diction and stringing your images together one after the other, without any return to context or clarity, and concentrate more on making your poems digestible, focusing/sharpening your images, clarifying your plot. Leave some breadcrumbs for the reader. Make your poetry less of a bottomless wormhole into your mind, and more of a readily exposed dissection of your topic.

Good luck,

-Kylan