This isn't the best: You'll never know

You’ll never know,
ill never tell
Youll never care,
ill never yell.

i don’t really care anymore
I really, truly don’t mind.
I get it, you think im crazy...
For leaving you behind.

You’ll never know,
ill never tell
Youll never care,
ill never yell.

Don’t you know you do it to?
Don’t you know it drives me nuts?
You just walk away, content
Thinking anything but,

You’ll never know,
ill never tell
Youll never care,
ill never yell.

How you drive me insane
And kill me on the inside
I think its kind of funny,
How often this happens, and how often you lie.

You’ll never know,
ill never tell
Youll never care,
ill never yell.

This poem should be a song! all you need is a nice guitar and a drum beat. Instant epicness.

Hey, I'm Fixed. I'll be reviewing you today.

First, I wanted to say that I relate totally to what you are saying in there. It seems as if you're writing this in a passive retaliation (meaning you're telling them off covertly) and that's the way I roll, so I thought it was great.

Hmm... Capitalize your I, it bugs the crud out of me! Big pet peeve there.
And when you have conjunctions, such as I'll, make sure there's an apostrophe there. That can mean the difference between someone liking your poem and just thinking you're an amateur.

FazoliMoli123 wrote:I get it, you think im crazy...

Ellipses really aren't that big in poems. I know, because people have told me again and again to stop using them. If you're meaning to drag off the subject or not wanting to finish a line, and you put them, fine. But just using them... at the end of a sentence doesn't really work in poetry.

Don't capitalize every line. Just like a regular story, poems are made up of sentences, therefore you don't need To Capitalized Every word you Skip a line On.

FazoliMoli123 wrote:Don’t you know you do it to?

the "to" you have there needs to be too, and after the "it" there needs to be a comma. This will help the flow a little.

FazoliMoli123 wrote:How often this happens, and how often you lie.

Okay. Well... you don't need the and. So scratch that out. It's going to flow better without it, like "How often this happens, how often you lie." instead of the "and" you had in there. "And" makes it choppy; we don't want choppy poetry. Might as well go watch people make sushi for that.

I'm all done! I loved the poem, I was very intrigued, trying to find a nice melody to fit with the piece. If I ever write an accompaniment to a song, yours is definitely on my list.

Love,
Fixed

Well, Fixed already did all of your typeos... so that's that in that department. I can't really critisize anything but that, yes, it could be a song, it would actually be a good one to find a melody to because the verses are alike in the beat of the words, if you get what I mean. So the same melody all around and you're set to go. I found it was nice. I too can relate to it. Good job at it keep writing!
Ofir

I agree with the others, in that this could be a song. If your not a musician I would find a friend who is and maybe work with them. I think that you have a great poem here. I actually related to it. It reminded me of a poem of mine called Grave in that they both have a similar theme. Of heartbreak. I don't know whether your writing from personal experience but keep it up because you have a great talent.
-Matt

Aww thanks everyone :]. i'll look for a musician, and try to fix up my punctuation and capitalization. but thank you, TONS!!

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