The tip of my Tongue

I can feel the words at the tip of my tongue-
High-strung
On the choice of a trigger- just run.
But there’s an acid in the air,
A taste that holds my hand to dare
To run away, to seek a fair
Opportunity, it comes to knock
Don’t rock
The boat- just float, we’re almost there.
Fate intertwined; ensnared.
Pen in hand I write a verse-
The curse a spur of tempting lies
Look to the skies
I see a way
To say
The things at the tip of my tongue-
High-strung
On the bullet in the gun
Targets that have run astray
And pray
To have these thoughts just stay
Because they ring of genius marred
And scarred and barred
And given hard
To tragedy and simple guard.
A vision of the first idea
An originality galleria
Displayed, on watch
A testing swatch.
But I can feel the words at the tip of my tongue-
High-strung,
I was,
And now I’m done.

I love your poem! It really speaks to me and I like how you set up a chant in it to keep me reading. I love how you discribe well and I can understand what this poem is about. I like how you use hyphenated word, it gives me more of an image in my mind. Keep on writing!

Thanks for the review =]. I'm glad you liked it, and I like how you described it as having a 'chant' rhythm to it. I think it's a pretty interesting way of putting it.

Wow, I really loved this! It really did have a "chant" rhythm to it, almost like a song. My nitpicks:

The boat- just float we’re almost there.

after "float" add a comma or some sort of separation.

The curse a spur of tempting lies

same after "curse"

Because they ring of genius marred

Did you mean "the?"

Overall, great job. Just take a look at your punctuation.

--Dreamy

Hey Skl!

Just a quick review here, really. I enjoyed this poem a lot; the rhyme scheme really works within it and adds to the great rhythm you've got going through. One thing I really enjoyed was the way that you used shorter lines to, in a way, speed up the poem. In addition, from the short lines and the way you wrote it I really got a feeling of being high-strung, which was great!

I'm not quite sure how much of this poem has deeper meaning, and how much of it is simply there to rhyme and sound good. But, you've actually done a great job.

~Amy

Hey, there. Sam, right? I'm Mizz.
So, I liked this a lot. I actually sang it. I think "chant" is too...unmelodic for this. It seems like, with the right editing, this could be a beautiful lyrical song. But, I'm reviewing a poem. So:
I really, truly, and honestly loved this. Sometimes the rhyme just seems thrown in so that it DOES rhyme, but I actually didn't mind to much.
The short lines, as Aqua said, really give the impression of high strung. Brilliant job on that--don't know if it was on purpose, or was it?
All in all, very good.
Tata.
-Mizz

Hey guys! Thanks for the reviews!
I wrote this poem on one of those bursts of creative energy where your almost to the point of hitting something just to release it. It was because I was high-strung and anxious to write something that I think this came out that way, and I'm glad that my emotion was portrayed well.

As for the short lines, when writing poetry, I seem to just follow my own sort of intuition. I think I wrote this in a minute or two, hardly thinking about it. In my mind, I'll just get a set sort of 'beat', an initial rhyme scheme, and I follow where it takes me. I'm quite good at rhyming on the spot, and the fact that rhymes tend to give a specific rhythm to a poem just help me on my way. I generally split it where I do (and create those short segments) to keep the rhythm going as I think would sound best.

As for the meaning, in all honesty, the only thing I wanted to portray was my need to get my thoughts out. The anxiety you get when you have something you really need to say before it disappears. All the separate segments came to me out of nowhere, but as I was reading it through more closely, I found possible meanings. The one part I know I wrote with an intended meaning was
To have these thoughts just stay
Because they ring of genius marred
And scarred and barred
And given hard
To tragedy and simple guard.
A vision of the first idea
An originality galleria
With this, I meant to portray what I was thinking. How sometimes, you get a thought that you just know is great. And originality is something I strive for, so when that happens, I'm overjoyed.
The rest I guess is open for interpretation. =D

Thanks!
-Sam