Every Mile Every Second

Hello,
This is my first piece of work that I have posted here. Although I have only posted the introduction, I hope that people will be interested in continuing to read my story. I would love to hear different opinions, so I can better my writing.
Thanks!

Introduction

Have you ever wondered if life was real, if everything you ever believed in was a dream? Could you be awakened one day and realize everything, nothing even existed? Would you look in the mirror and just say, this is who I am, this is my destiny that has been chosen? Destiny, why? Why was I chosen to be this person, why was I chosen to have this life? These questions ran through my mind over and over that day. I was lost in my own body, unable to find a way out, without him. I could look through my eyes and see everything, but really see nothing. My heart was dying. I was dying.

P.S
Be sure to be as harsh as you need to, I want to here the truth.

Hey Belle, welcome to YWS! Ah, I love short posts. They give room for detailed reviews. Here goes, my corrections/comments in reddish pink:

Have you ever wondered if life was real, if everything you ever believed in was a dream? Could you be awakened one day and realize everything, nothing(This doesn't sound right. I recommend rewriting that) even existed? Would you look in the mirror and * say, this is who I am, this is my destiny that has been chosen? Destiny*. Why was I chosen to be this person, why was I chosen to have this life? These questions ran through my mind over and over that day. I was lost in my own body, unable to find a way out* without him. I could look through my eyes and see everything, but really see nothing. My heart was dying. I was dying.

If you see a red asterisk, it means I took something out that didn't need to be there.

Alright! This was a good start. One major thing: all these questions. Readers don't like to think that much when they sit down with a book. I'd shorten those up, maybe only have one question. With some watering down, this will be very good!


Again, welcome to YWS! Feel free to PM me with any questions.

--Dreamy115

I am really liking this little piece. don't worry about the length of a prologue, because i was recently editing one of my things and it was only 1302 characters long... thats probably as long as this review will be. well, i've written a review almost that long.

Okay, so i like the part about "My heart was dying. I was dying."
the first sentence is also good- a nice little phrase to bring be in.
"unable to find a way out, without him" I agree with Dreamy, this sentence sounds a little bit odd. maybe, unable to find my way without his guidance" or something like that.
Oh, i also really like the part about destiny. that is something taht is very plausible to wonder, something i have wondered before.