Willow Tree

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***An improv., like most of my poems, so not very good. Either way, please comment, and I'll return the favor. :) ***

I remember
A willow tree
Too tall for little me to see.
Her branches rocked
And cradled me soft
Her gentle touch
Of hanging branches aloft.
I see her now,
So tired she seems.
Lost and weary,
Paled by shadowed beams.
With broken limbs
And limp, gray leaves,
All hollowed out;
Her spirit grieves.
Oh willow tree
What happened to us?
Both once so young,
So willing to trust.
You do not weep,
Too tired for tears,
For we now see the creep
Of the impending years.
Broken, weary
I lie at your roots.
My toes wrap 'round the grass
As I take off my boots.
When did time
Come to pass?
I was child on my visit last.
Now I've grown
Enough to know
The world is pain
And you are sorrow.
Oh willow tree,
so broken are we.
When were we torn
By reality?
Last edited by StoryWeaver13 on Thu Feb 18, 2010 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another. ~Lemony Snicket




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Good show! Oh, and we have the same name, Story. Imagine that!

When I was child on my visit last


This should be "When I was a child". Other than that
I didn't find any errors.




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This was really good. I liked the idea behind it and the imagery, and I knew exactly what it was talking about. Just two little structural things I would suggest. First, you didn't really have a rhyme scheme. Now, it didn't make it that much harder to read or get a beat in my head, but having one would make the poem... nicer? I'm not sure how else to put it really. Second thing I would suggest would be to divide it into stanzas. Other than that, good job.



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