Love From Music: Chapter 2

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Love From Music
Chapter 2
When Kaylin woke up, she had a splitting headache, and she felt slightly sick to her stomach. She had no clue where she was.
After the nausea passed, she looked around at her surroundings. She was in a vehicle of some sort, and she was alone. She was lying across the backseat.
Then the doors opened, and the blue-eyed blonde got in the back with her while the other two got in the front. The brunette was driving. None of them had noticed she was awake yet.
Since she was lying across the back seat, the blue-eyed blonde sat with her head in his lap. She remembered his name was Ian.
When the vehicle started moving, Kaylin closed her eyes so they wouldn’t know she was awake. After a few minutes, Ian started playing with her hair. This really irritated her, but she just lay there like she was still asleep.
“She really is gorgeous,” Ian said still playing with her hair. Then he moved his hand to the curve of her hip and started caressing it.
“Definitely,” one of the guys in the front said. She thought it was the other blonde.
Ian moved his hand from her hip to her butt. Kaylin did not like this. “She’s got a nice ass, too,” he commented.
He started moving his hand slowly back up her side. When he put his hand close enough, she bit him. Hard.

“OWW!!!!!” he yelled in pain. “You bitch!” he shouted and pushed her roughly.
She landed on the floor of the vehicle with an “Oomph!” Then she started thrashing around on the floor.
“Dude! What the hell?!” shouted the blonde from the front.
“What is going on back there?” the brunette demanded.
“She freaking bit me!” Ian shouted and held up his hand for the other blonde to see. It was bleeding. Kaylin stopped thrashing and just watched them quietly from her spot on the floor.
“Damn. Looks painful,” the blonde in the front said. “Pull into a convenience store so we can get a first aid kit,” he told the brunette.
“Yeah. And maybe you should sit in the back, Mitch. Apparently Ian can’t behave himself.”
“Apparently,” the one called Mitch replied. He turned to Ian with a smirk and said, “By the way, I think she’s awake.”
“Ya think?” was Ian’s reply.
When the car stopped, presumably at a convenience store, Mitch and the brunette got out of the car, but Ian stayed in the backseat. He sat there glaring at her. Kaylin glared back.
Then, with no warning, Ian kicked her in the ribs as hard as he could. Kaylin cried out in pain, and Ian stepped on her hand as he was getting out of the car.
When she was sure he wasn’t coming back for a few minutes, she curled up in a ball as best as she could, cradling her hand. It was starting to swell, and her ribs hurt like hell. She thought there was a good chance her ribs were cracked if not broken.
She was still lying there like that when they came back. When the doors opened, she curled up tighter.
“What the hell?” Mitch asked. Then a pair of hands lifted her back onto the seat. She whimpered when he touched her ribs. When he let go, she cowered against the car door on the other side.
“Damn, Ian. What did you do to her?” the brunette asked with a slightly amused tone of voice.
“Nothin’ much. Maybe cracked a few ribs. Bruised hand,” Ian replied with that same hint of amusement in his voice.
When they finally got back in the car, Ian got in the front, and Mitch got in the back with her. The brunette was still driving.
“Here,” Mitch said and shoved a bottle of water at her. She tentatively took it, but she couldn’t open it. The hand that Ian had stepped on was swollen really bad. She held it out to Mitch.
“What?” he asked. “Can’t even open a bottle?” he sneered and snatched it from her. He opened it and handed it back.
She sipped at it slowly and watched the three guys warily. Her attention was drawn to the front when Ian started talking to the brunette. “Hey, Cam, how much longer till we reach Milwaukee?”
“I don’t know. Couple hours maybe?” Cam replied. “Why?”
Just then, Kaylin saw something out of the corner of her eye. She whipped her head around in that direction and saw that Mitch was staring at her, and he was twirling a small pocket knife in his fingers.
In that moment Kaylin didn’t think; she just reacted. She saw the knife and freaked out. She threw the remaining water in the bottle at him, and while he was sputtering and trying to get the water out of his eyes, she kicked his wrist into the door which made him drop the knife and cry out in pain.
Ignoring her hurt ribs and hand, she jumped on him and started punching and clawing anywhere she could get to.
“Shit! Ian, get your ass back there, and get her off of him!” Cam yelled.
Ian jumped in the back and grabbed Kaylin around the waist. She started kicking and thrashing around more wildly than before. Somehow she managed to elbow Ian in the stomach and kick Mitch right in the groin. Then Ian pinned her to the floor mat.
“Mitch! Give me the freaking duct tape!” Ian yelled.
“Oohh…” he groaned in response.
“Mitch!” Ian yelled and smacked him upside the head.
“Here,” he said and threw a roll of duct tape at Ian. “There’s your damn duct tape.”
Ian leaned down close to Kaylin’s ear and said low enough for only her to hear, “You really are a bad girl, aren’t you?”
“Screw you,” Kaylin replied. She was crying now.
Ian just laughed at her and bound her wrists and ankles with the duct tape.
“Is everything settled down back there?” Cam asked.
“Yep. I think Mitch is hurting pretty bad though. She dealt him a nice kick to the balls. Looks like she scratched him up pretty good, too,” Ian said sounding slightly amused.
“Okay. New seating arrangements,” Cam replied smiling. “The girl goes up here with me, and you two in the back. Ian, patch Mitch up while you’re back there.”
“Who put you in charge?” Ian retorted.
“Well, if you’d like to get the hell scratched out of you, by all means, leave her back there.”
“No! Put her up front!” Mitch said quickly. “Dumb bitch kicked me.”
“Whatever,” Ian said picking her up and shoving her into the front seat. He grabbed the first aid kit and started cleaning the scratches covering Mitch’s face and arms.
Kaylin sat there staring out the window with tears running down her face. She jumped when Cam said, “So, what’s your name?”
“Go to hell, asshole,” Kaylin replied.
“That’s no way for a lady to talk,” Cam said mockingly.
“Screw you,” Kaylin said coldly. She continued staring out the window and didn’t say anything else. After a little while, she fell asleep.
I'll watch the night turn light blue/But it's not the same w/o you/Because it takes 2 to whisper quietly/The silence isn't so bad/Till i look at my hands and feel sad/Cus the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly...
"Vanilla Twilight" by Owl City...




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Again, the main problem with this piece is the lack of description. Sort of a "he hit her, she rolled, he kicked her, it hurt". I want to know more, what's the car look like, what do the guys look like? I know that there is one with brown hair and another with blonde hair, but what do they really look like, what is going to set them apart from the others.

As for the dialogue, there is a lot of potential there. The only problem that I find with the dialogue is that the males all sound like the same person. I would really focus on setting them apart from each other. Right now, sure they all sound like misogynists, which is clearly the point, but maybe try something with how they talk? Does one have an accent from a different area? Maybe just try to set them apart a little.

I think that if you work on your description and really bringing us readers in, you could have a really interesting story here.

Hope this helps,

OverEasy
Life is for living.




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i dont understand what is happeneing here. did the girl get kidnpped? and the lack of description is bad. add more description plz! and explain wat is happening here.
"If I look like a monster,' he says roughly, 'then no one will be surprised when I do monstrous things." - A.B. Poranek




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I really liked it! if you read the first chapter it makes total sense and when i read stories I just read whats in them and how the words are laid out and I loved your story. Do you think you can read part of my story and give me some tips. you read it didn't you?
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller




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This is sort of a scary story for romantic fiction so far. It's good though and I really can't wait to find out what is going to happen to the girl and why the guys took her. The one thing I have trouble with is the descriptions, really just keeping track of which description is of what guy.
A man can change his stars.
William Thatcher ~ "A Knight's Tale"

Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost ~ Lost! by Coldplay




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Good story and i can't wait for whats going to happen next. I have seen and read my amount of stories that either the romance is going to start when a boy saves her or she meets someone who is kidnapped too. But I am already foreshadowing this and if its something different i will be very happy because stories like this is just you know whats going to happen next. But me likes ^__^ keep going!



Poetry is my cheap means of transportation. By the end of the poem the reader should be in a different place from where he started. I would like him to be slightly disoriented at the end, like I drove him outside of town at night and dropped him off in a cornfield.
— Billy Collins