song of summer

the song of summer is a quiet one

it wraps around you just for fun

it whispers and sings in sweet harmony

we listen to the silvery tune

as we look at the sun

the sun reflects the joy in our hearts

and joins in at it's own parts

for now we must say goodbye

but we are not sad because we will meet again

and then we will bring our friends.

A/N I tweaked it! thanks guys for reviewing and I hope this is better than the last "edition"

This poem was a cute little read, but some things could be improved.

-"but soon enough once again we will say hi." A little awkward, the words should be rearranged and I wouldn't use "hi" either, maybe just "hello"

-"we listen to the tune as we look at the moon." I think the rhyming is a bit forced. Not every poem has to rhyme, so I would rewrite these lines with better word choice, experiment!

-"it whispers and sings in sweet harmony." This is maybe my favorite line in the poem. However, you should take to either whispers or singing, (preferably whispers) and go on from there

"the moon reflects the joy in our hearts and joins in at it's own parts." Hmmm. I'm confused about these two lines. Plus, why moon? Instead, why not the sun, it is summer!

-"sadly for now we must say goodbye." Why sadly? Your message that summer is great isn't crossed well, bring more color and emotions to the poem so that the readers will get why your sad! Also, words! Sad? Look it up in the thesaurus

-Lastly, the poem is really packed together. Break up the lines so that it will have more of a flow

OVERALL

Cute read, makes me miss summer even more! However, with a bit of tweaking this poem could change someone's day!
winie

I like the imagery portrayed. It's clear and solid and makes me go nostalgic of my past summers. However, as the above poster has pointed out, a little tweaking of word arrangements and word usage as well would make this poem stand out more, specially in the last four lines.

Keep Writing!