Death of All Men

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 1776
Reviews 10
Do you see the rising tide
As the sun begins to dim
Can you hear the lullaby
The sirens begin to swim

Can you hear their melody
that sweet but deadly tune
do you hear the harmony
as you start across the room

you slowly walk across the floor
you eyes completely tranced
you stand in front, open the door
and watch the sirens dance

You quickly walk down the stairs
and cross along the sand
the sirens call with loving care
Beckoning you to their land

The water laps upon your feet
As you step forward on the shore
Their songs are deadly but sweet
They call from ocean floor

You continue to walk forward
The water steadily rising
The sirens beckon onward
As time their slowly biding

You dive deep underwater
The sirens nature now shown
You shudder, start to falter
As you see the human bones

You're running out of breath
Your time is nearly done
You're slowly encompassed by death
Your mind and soul now gone

The siren song begins to fade
Your body on the surface
They fade into the waves
The death of men, their purpose




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 7718
Reviews 136
A poem that slips from calm sunset at the shore to watery doom for an unsuspecting man.

Nice.

other than the lacking in punctuation, the only problems are you could have used some more complex language with this, or at least extended the separate phrases, the broken up pattern made it slightly difficult to read and keep up with.

Loved it overall though, just wish it had had just a bit more flavor.
A story's not a story till you've made it up you see.
Look Mexico.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1299
Reviews 2
I love this poem and think that you used rythm really well. I love the story of the poem. I have to agree that maybe you could use better words in a few places. But I love this poem and am a huge fan of anything related to mythologie.
Lara



What's stopping you?
— David Mamet