Secret Love

Secret Love
I marvel as she sings,
o the joy she brings,
as she sings out her heart,
I just fall apart,
her song's so amazing,
I can't stop my gazing,
I'm deeply inspired,
my soul is just fired,
her face is so fair,
nothing can compare,
I wish I had something to offer her,
Maybe I should just talk to her

Hey AJ! First off welcome to YWS! I hope you'll like it here .

Now, it's quite short, which makes it a little tougher to review, but I'll just go over it real quick.

First off- Love. The most common subject you'll ever find in poetry. Yes, love is one of the strongest feeling, and yes poetry is about capturing a feeling. But after a while, love poems tend to get pretty boring.

I think it's an adorable poem, the rhymes aren't all that wonderful, but it's still very cute.

Next time though, try writing about something other then a crush, okay ?

Good luck, keep writing!

~Hope

Hero to review...

I'm reviewing for you! Okay here we go:

That was a great poem, but (If this isn't what you wanted then you should have made it so that you'd get what you wanted, see?) I thought of a boy sitting at the back of a hall while this girl acts or sings or plays piano or something. I hope that's what you intended cause I can't really relate but I understand...

First thing: I understand why you would want to write this... or maybe I don't. But like the above reviewer said, love is very common. That doesn't mean to not use it. But I'd make it very original. Very, very. Give it a title unexpected. A gimmick. Maybe you could compare your love to a chess game? Maybe beings two birds/angels/mermaids. Two flowers? An oak and a pine? Anything. Make it original.

I also noticed you lacked some imagery. Now I know she's very pretty, great and all but everyone's crush is too so... If she's Clarisse (daughter of Ares), tell us or is she Silena Beauragard. No girl is the same, don't treat them as such. It doesn't matter how pretty they are, they're different pretty.

I'd add two more stanzas for appeal. It does help a tad, or else just divid the main stanza.

By the way your title is Secret Love and the final line says so but maybe you should put in a bit more about that? Maybe it's just me? Maybe.

Anyway, that's really all I can say, sorry if it didn't help much. My main piece of advice, make it original or give it a gimmick. Hero, out!