Those Crows

Those Crows

It started off with one crow, now it has a friend,
They keep on bloody squawking, it’s driving me round the bend.

It’s six in the freakin’ morning, what the hell are they doing up?
They started half an hour ago and now they won’t shut up!

I wish I had a shot gun so I could blow off their f*cking heads,
Then I could get some peace and quiet and finally go to bed!

Ha ha ha, I can totally relate to this poem. I remember one time in my first apartment when I was rudely awoken by a tree full of the world's loudest birds. It was like a whole flock of them were having an argument outside my bedroom window at like five in the morning. My reaction was pretty similair to yours.

Your rhyme felt forced especially when you rhymed up with up. Don't feel like you have to write in rhyme in order for it to be considered poetry. In fact, some of the best poetry in the world doesn't even rhyme. Sometimes it is better to just tell us exactly how you feel...Which you did pretty well.

Also, while you may think that you've rated your work properly, considering you used such strong profanity, I might rate your work at 16+. But that is a personaly opinion and completely up to you. Hoped this helped!

Rating changed to 16+ for language.

I loved this. It's so comical and light-hearted, despite the narrator being so frustrated with the birds. It's like a breath of fresh air!

I did think, though, that language in poetry is a little strange. There are so many substitutes for it that would make your piece even better.

But that's the only thing! I thoroughly enjoyed this. Keep it up.

Tee hee. This was great. My only issue? Why are you going to bed at six in the morning? Or have you not been able to go to bed all night? I dunno, you might wanna fix that.

Great poem, I loved it. A nice, funny refresher from the others. Not that the other poems aren't good as well. Just not as funny, for the most part.

--Dreamy

Hey there!

This was a fun-read. I like fun-reads
Nice.

An improvement?
Er, write a little more so we can succumb to more effect, that'll be fab!

Sorry about the length of this review, revision calls. Apparently I can't avoid it anymore .

Oo, and welcome to YWS!

Ben

Hey man, this poem is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.
Now for tips:
1) You've rushed into the poem, you should take your time doing it.
2) Not everything has to be in rhymes
3) If you use rhymes, try to have the same rhythm for all of them.

I wish I had a shot gun so I could blow off their f*cking heads,
Then I could get some peace and quiet and finally go to bed!

It doesn't really fit with the rhythm of the rest of the poem.
It's a very nice poem (funny too), and the only thing that really bugged me was:

They keep on bloody squawking, it’s driving me round the bend.

If you see rhymes that don't flow, change them.
Sincerely, ab5986.

Hello,

This was great, a very nice funny read
Just a tip, you don't need to rhyme every line, you can have poetry without any rhymes and you may want to try that here because it looked as though you were basing your lines around the rhyming words at the end, this is never a good thing because it restricts your poetry.
Other than this and the little rhythm problem ab5986 pointed out above, this was great!
I know exactly how you feel, we have a rookery right outside our house and they are the noisiest birds in the world, besides crows and cockerels.

Well Done,
Keep Writing
~Lydia

HAHA funny you should write more!