Blood Is Love

Hey Guys,
This is a poem that I wrote a little while ago. It is an interpretation of one of my favourite songs. To understand the poem I will include the original song in a spoiler.

Enjoy

Spoiler

"Blood Is Love" By Queens Of The Stone Age

I saw you, in a way
Beyond figure out
These lines of life have been drawn... and can't be removed
Our eyes is all it took to know

Open up your eyes
Deep blue, glassy lake
and swim 'till water and sky
Now are one, out of two
Oh, my bloodshot eyes

Open up your mouth
Touch your lips to mine
That we may make a kiss that can pierce through death & survive
Your words have branded my mind

Still i hold your hand
Wrapped as if a ring
We of flesh and blood are only carrying
It's so hard to
Well, you know

The seed waits for the reaper to sew
Every breath an art
The dignity to learn it can strain & break your heart
Take all your pieces home
You ask when you're alone, "what is love?"
The blood is love...

Ok here is my poem.


That first moment left me breathless
You looked so figured out
I was left intrigued and wanted more.
Fate had dealt me a strange card that day.
Your eyes caught mine,
Thats when I knew.

...Now open them,
Is it like you remembered?
The deepest blue imaginable,
Not a breath of wind to swirl the delicate surface.
We swam til water merged with sky,
Our souls now intertwined.
But wait! What just happened?

Eyes bloodshot,
Lungs burning,
I finally find you through the water.
I try my best to bring you back,
Hoping "the kiss" will awaken you again.
I can hear your voice in my head,
It is all that matters right now.

My hand in yours,
I feel I must never let go.
We are only human,
But I refuse to accept your fate,
I refuse...

Now I wait,
It's all I can do.
My breath laboured, tears flowing,
I slowly feel my heart break,
There is nothing left for me here.
I burdon myself day to day with the same ridiculous question,
What is love?
The Blood is Love...

Nice work. This was a very gripping poem, and flowed really well from beginning to end. It left me with quite a sorrowful feeling. It makes sense even without the original song.

If I had to mention something, the second verse threw me off a bit. You where talking about the eyes, and then the 'deepest blue imaginable', but then you say not a 'breath of wind to swirl the delicate surface,' which I assume is refering to water. At first I thought the deepest blue was refering to the eyes, which made me have to read back and work it out.

Either way, overall I loved it. Keep it up.

Terrific!

I would change just two things, at the beginning you have "Ok here is my poem" in bold. I would edit it and make it to where you have some white space in between that statement and the poem.
And right here,

Hoping "The Kiss" will awaken you again.

I don't think the T or K need to be capitalized.

But, overall, great poem. It flowed wonderfully, nice ending and I was captured from the beginning!