As The Time Flows By

* This was an assignment for my English class. It is based on The Old Man and the Sea.

As the wet ground crumbles beneath his feet
He carries a container of food
For his dear friend.
His mind is stuck on Santiago's helplessness,
Anything but hopelessness. The two joined in his attic
That are filled with thoughts of lions and the yellow sand on the beaches of Africa.
Those nights filled with emptiness as he has gone.
Is gone
Out to sea,
And now:
Nothing.
Only the remnants of his rusty, old shack.
The memory of pants for pillows,
Yesterdays paper and cast nets, all fake or gone.
The boys sits on his porch, wondering when he will
Return.
Two days later and now
He sees him, lying asleep, hands...
Torn.
Tears, he feels then coming and he doesn't care
To stop them.

As the wet ground crumbles beneath his feet
He carries a container of food
For his dear friend.
His mind is stuck on Santiago's helplessness,
Anything but hopelessness. The two joined in his attic(multi-personality?)

That are filled with thoughts of lions and the yellow sand on the beaches of Africa.
Those nights filled with emptiness as he has gone.
Is gone
Out to sea,
And now:
Nothing.(I like this)
Only the remnants of his rusty, old shack.
The memory of pants for pillows,(maybe different word than pants)
Yesterdays paper and cast nets, all fake or gone.
The boys sits on his porch, wondering when he will
Return.(Good)



I like this poem. It is original and fun. I hope you get a good grade at English. Cya later.
Two days later and now
He sees him, lying asleep, hands...
Torn.
Tears, he feels then(them) coming and he doesn't care
To stop them.

Hi, I liked this, and I just thought I give a quick critique.

I've only really got one problem with it.

He carries a container of food

I don't really like how you have said "container of food", it seems different from the rest of the theme, and it just doesn't seem to fit.

Anyway, nice work.

Keep writing.

~Mo.