Hurt

Sometimes, I cry. No one sees me, and that is the way that I like it. Crying is a personal issue. What right does anyone else have to see me shed my persona, make myself vulnerable and fall apart? It is not fair to expect me to share something that is so profound and so moving. Furthermore, what right do i have to impose myself, my fears and worries on the world at large? If I am cryng and falling to pieces, what makes me think that other people do not have the same problems? They obiously have better self-control than I do! Everyone expects people to sympathise with them when they cry, offer the required nonsense of consoling them. Who am I? What claim do I have to pity? I know that I have serious problems, not least of which is expressing my emotions. I am dark, twisted and 'messed-up.' I wish I could understand myself, but I do not. I am large and scary. My mind scares me. I am constantly in fear of what I would unleash if I allowed myself more than a peep into my mind. i might just go over the edge.

My favourite teacher always told me that tears have a healing effect. Do I know it. After a good cry, I am washed clean, empty. I feel drained, vulnerable, child-like. Why would I want t expose myself to other people in such a state? I need to learn how to deal with other peple. I fear them. That maybe, just maybe, they will be able to see beyond the facade of a person that I present and see the real me, the me that I do not wish for anyone to see, for fear that they will realise that I am not as pulled together as I look, not as perfect as I pose, nothing to envy...I am fake but deep. I am a paradox. Is this how schizophrenics feel? I wonder...

Why hello thar, I'm Light_Devil and I'll be your reviewer for this piece.

I am not sure what you expect me to do with this, but I shall review it as if it were a normal piece. Okay?

matildanengare wrote:What right does anyone else have to see me shed my persona, make myself vulnerable and fall apart?

Possibly replace for a semi-colon(;), but I can't be too sure.

Furthermore, what right do i have to impose myself, my fears and worries on the world at large?

Capitalise the "i".

They obiously have better self-control than I do! Everyone expects people to sympathise with them when they cry, offer the required nonsense of consoling them.

"Obviously". Be sure to run a spellcheck before you post, okay?

i might just go over the edge.

Capitalise.

Do I know it.

I'm pretty sure it's meant to be "Don't I know it."

After a good cry, I am washed clean, empty.

Possibly a semi-colon again.

Why would I want t expose myself to other people in such a state?

I do believe you mean "to". All these small errors would be picked up if you had used spellcheck. Remember for next time.

I am a paradox. Is this how schizophrenics feel? I wonder...

Oh, nothing to nit-pick here. I just like this part.

Overall:

I think overall this is a very emotional, thought-provoking and personal piece. I enjoyed reading it, as if I were peering into the mind of someone else and I could only say two or three bad things about this.

1 - Please run a spellcheck. That helps to get rid of all the little mistakes you might miss.

2 - Don't forget to capitalise your "i"s and others.

3 - Please cut this into small more bite sized paragraphs. Putting it into such large blocks is a little bit hard to read.

Hope this helped.

Have A Nice Day,
Azrael.

Valentine

Since this in non-fiction, I assume this is true about you. I am puzzled as to why you put his on, showing your true inner self to complete strangers online. The writing was sloppy. It seems maybe that you wrote it right onto this site because the I's weren't capitalized and there were extra letters. Other than that, I sensed something overly dramatic about this. I have a feeling this isn't totally true, and if it were, it would not be here. The message I received was that you're sad, confused, and alone. That is not good, down right depressing actually. That's the awesome part about this whole thing. You achieved one of the hardest things in writing: emotion. Your words actually made me feel sad even though i don't know you, am probably miles away from you. Nice job!

Valentine

It does seem kind of funny to critique something like this, but I completely agree with valentine. As a piece, it's not really something that seems like it's written for other people, it seems more like a diary entry.

Crying is good, especially when it clears your head. Don't be scared to get lost in your own mind. Your mind is yours, and it's your job to harness what's in there into something constructive or creative. Like writing!

Anyone who has the ability to put their emotions onto a page like this, be they well written or not, has much potential as a writer. Of course, you're new, and have no portfolio. You should make one