Break My Heart A Little More

Do you want to see the scars?
There's one for each time.
A mark for each lie, and a cut for each cry.

Do you want to see the tears?
There's a dozen per text,
a sparkling dripplet for each time, what's next?

But have you read the diary?
There's a page every day,
Till they build up; with my sorrows they stay.

And what's with the expression?
There's a smile once a week,
But an unsteady grin, each time we speak.

Now you should see the songs,
There's a verse each time you smile,
A simple melody for once in a while.

Good poem!
I like it's message..
I can't really say anything bad about it.

keep writing

"There's a page every day,
Till they all build up with my sorrows they stay"

These lines don't seem to make much sense, it seems a little like it's there just to fit the rhyme. The rhythm throughout needs some work too.

Apart from that this poem is really good. I expected a dose of emoism by the title, but the whole this was surprisingly sweet. You've carried it from verse to verse really well too. Keep it up

yeah that means like everything that is written on the page stays there, along with the sorrows. As in the sorrows written there. Lol x

Hey, Sakura. Nice to meet you, by the way.
So. I. Loved. This. Honestly, I did. The only problem was punctuation, which is very easy to fix. In some places the commas weren't needed, while others needed a semicolon. See if you can find the mistakes; if not, just PM me, and I'll be happy to highlight them exactly. They aren't too major.
But, really, you took a cliche subject and pulled it off fantabulously.
Wonderful.
-Mizz

This was a nice poem and I honestly loved the title. What I didn't like were the last two lines. They weren't the big finale I hoped for, but other than that..AMAZING job! I thought this would be a bit depressing but it actually made me smile! Love this


~Jasmine Bells~
Peace, Love, Writing, Chocolate and Insanity

Hi! Kate here, at your service.

Till they all build up with my sorrows they stay.

I've read the above reviews. If you want to convey it in the way you suggested, try separating it with punctuation, per se:

Till they build up; with my sorrows they stay.

...And I'd omit the all if I were you. It flows better.

There, now. Not exactly the best, but still likable nonetheless. Good grammar and average imagery, overall. I'm sorry, but this is not exactly my cup of tea, and I don't really see the relevance of the title to the piece itself... I expected more from this, actually. But still. This can be improved. It's just a bit... no, not cliche, but, erm... bland? Cuts, scars, hurt, smiles, diaries... they've been used by writers a million times already; they've been used so, so much it's tiring to read another poem filled with these. I suggest that you think up new ways to express yourself, using deeper, more confound images, followed up by unique wording and good humour, if needed. That's the keyword: unique. Give us something that will really imprint an image in our hearts, seeing that this is an emotional piece, hence being included in dramatic poetry...

Anyway, I hope that helped.

PM me if you need anything, but I'm not around that much, so it's OK if you don't anyway... ((lolwhut? XD))

So there.

Toodles.

~Kate

This is a really nice poem. I like how you picked a theme and stuck with that format all the way through. I think in places the rhyming sounds a little forced, and that the first stanza, even though it doesn't really rhyme like the others, actually sounds better. Although, the last stanza rhymes, and I really like that one. It shows a nice contrast between the fact that bad things happen a lot, and good things happen too, but less often. I also liek the way that the last stanza doesn't start with a question like all the rest. It's like saying that all the bad stuff is worth it for the good things, or at least, that's what I get out of this poem, and I like it.