It could very much be the end tonight.which you could of said in a more, i dunno, fancy way?
Anyways...
This is a good poem. In some places, however, like the last line...it doesn't flow right. Just my opinion. Repeating lines can be dramatic, but this...is poor. The end of it all, the end of reality, the end of...it gets quite boring after awhile.iateyourdogx67 wrote:Cut my fingers, drink my blood
Pull me away from society I'd put a full stop here.
These two beginning lines flowed perfectly and gave us that hook. Well written!
No more mortality
No more life
I like the shortness of these and it chops up the rhythm to give it that 'dwell' of thought so you've given a good effect here.
It could very much be the end tonight. I'd take off the full-stop and put in a semi colon, since you go on about 'the end' and with the ';' it'll flow better.
The end of it all
The end of reality
The end of this dull and miserable life.
Seems a little scary... Are you okay? Lol. XD, no its got good effect and has that punch of impact so well written and well structured.
So goodbye, goodbye cruel world.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
