The Ruin of Daroder

7 posts
User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 72525
Reviews 1220
A poem set in one of my many created worlds.

The Ruin of Daroder

On the fallen banks of a long-dead river,
In the shade of skeletal trees,
Sprawls the ruin of the Castle Daroder,
Pride of Envar, long-since seized

By the Powers that are Nameless.

The Castle Daroder withstood all siege
And proud was the lord who ruled it.
Ambition was always in mind of it's liege;
Ever he worked to achieve it.

This angered the Powers Nameless.

The cost of human folly is great, indeed,
Faced with the wrath of the Nameless
For they know no patience in regards to greed
As is the way of the Nameless.

The sylvan days of shining spires
And battlements, tall and proud --
Now ruined scape consumed by fires
Wrought of hatred long avowed

By the Powers that are Nameless.

On the fallen banks of a long-dead river,
In the shade of skeletal trees,
Lie the ruins of once-mighty Daroder
Whose ruler, the Nameless, did displease;

A testament to Their power.

Explanation

Daroder was once a great trade city on the banks of the Emadre River. During the rule of Lord Den, the Emadre, a very deep and broad river, suddenly dried up. It became common belief that Lord Den brought the wrath of the Nameless (aka the forces of nature) upon Daroder when he began felling the Forest of Emadre in order to fund his campaign against Neralyn.

In truth, there was an earthquake further inland that changed the river's course.
Last edited by Kale on Wed Jan 26, 2011 6:42 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 83309
Reviews 436
Hey Kyll! This was nice, really nice. I think I've reviewed a couple of your poems recently, and really enjoyed them. You have a nice style.

The rhyme scheme is, overall, pretty good. There were a couple of places where you rhymed a word with itself, which technically isn't rhyming (Nameless/Nameless. It/it.) but that actually made it sound a bit like a song which would sort of fit in the context you were writing about. (You know, like on of those folk songs) So, although those 'rhymes' usually annoy me, I didn't mind them too much here.

As usual, nice work!

~Amy
"It is curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want."

-Spock.


Click if you love cookies




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 23443
Reviews 193
Hello!

Like Amy, I really enjoyed this, it was smooth and very easy to read and the rhythm was very even and regular throughout. I also like the subject matter and I wouldn't mind living in one of your created worlds myself!

Overall a job well done, I will be on the look out for more of your work!
~Lydia
Thinking about what you COULD achieve will get you no where. You've got to chase your dreams.
http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=188&t=92400 - Need a review?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7539
Reviews 374
Hey Ky! This poem actually reminded me a lot of something from Lord of the Rings, which is really cool. You've got a pretty good way of rhyming, but like Amy said you do rhyme some words with themselves. Although I didn't mind that too much, but try to avoid doing that. Otherwise good job, keep writing!
"I'd rather be hated for being who I am, then loved for who I'm not."




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 72525
Reviews 1220
Thanks, everyone, and I'm glad you enjoyed it. :D
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 15394
Reviews 1464
Kyllorac!

I had no idea you even wrote poetry. You seem like a novelist to me, haha.

I like the rhythm and rhyme scheme of this poem. It's effortless, and it flows beautifully; this is the wonderful type of narrative poetry that I absolutely love to see.

I have to say, though, I didn't quite enjoy the lines after each stanza. They seemed thrown in for the ride, and I think you need to maximize potential and make every word important. You do that for the most part, until those parts, and then the flow stops for them. I think it might be prettier without.

One of the best poems I've read all day. Two thumbs up,

June
"I'd steal somebody's purse if I could google it and then download it." -- Firestarter




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 72525
Reviews 1220
Juni! :D So glad you liked.

I am more of a novelist, but poetry is one of my first literary loves, and I enjoy writing it. It does wonders for the frustration when one of my other projects decides it doesn't want to cooperate. XD

As for the lines after each stanza, they have a purpose other than being pretty, and I intended for them to stand out. An alternate title for this is "Hymn to the Nameless", and within this created world, the forces of nature (the Nameless) are viewed as an all-powerful, all-present entity neither benign nor antagonistic that has no qualms about slaughtering people en masse. This poem (technically a song) acts as a cautionary tale to those in power that, if they exploit natural resources for their own personal gain, the forces of nature will take revenge.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR



I'd be a quote vigilante. A literary Batman. Someone had better be quoting me now!
— Feltrix