The Plunge

Thankfully it was over. I looked behind me and saw that I was hanging sixty feet above the ground, dangling by a man-made lifeline. She wanted me to swing from trees as well as climb them. I always did whatever she asked. She leads me to face my fears and complete my task. She has taught me to enjoy facing my fears and that fear is a sense of personal insecurity with ones own strength. I was done. I was content. But she was not.

There was a bridge near where we were climbing. For three years she was thinking about jumping off of the bridge and she fell in love with the idea of the jump the first time she laid eyes on the bridge. I knew that soon I too would be jumping off this magnificent bridge. Our family is trying to convince her not to jump. I knew better. I understand that there is nothing that we can do to stop her from plummeting.

There is a woman standing at a desk. She signs people up to jump. We looked at each other, and then to the girl beside me who asks the woman, “What are the requirements for jumping?” I become uneasy. The woman who wants her to jump explains that jumping isn’t as bad as people think. I understand her fascination with this bridge. She didn’t see past the woman’s marketing scheme. She decides to jump in forty minutes.

We do not know how to fill the time. We walk up the bridge and look into the canyon below and then we walk back down from the bridge. Each time we look at the bridge and into the canyon she gets more and more excited. After fifteen minutes she lines up to get weighed. She walks towards the scale with a nervous grin on her face. She is too light to go alone. She has to tandem jump. I always do whatever she asks. She leads me to face my fears. We have a choice; either we get strapped together by our legs and get pushed off of the bridge, or we get harnessed together and shot down 90 feet into the canyon. If we get shot into the canyon, we are then caught by a pole and shot down again and then brought back up until we are swinging like a pendulum. Since I am the heavier one, I will need to grab the pole and hold on until the boat pulls us towards them. She chooses to be shot into the canyon. Walking up the bridge she becomes unnerved. I am shaking. The boy harnesses us together and tells us not to worry. The people behind us are crying. The intensity is building and then it becomes our turn. Slowly we get harnessed together. She is beginning to look nervous. I have trouble speaking.

Finally we are ready, the person who runs the jump attaches us to a cable. We look down. Like us, the cable is slowly becoming more and more tense. Finally, the man who runs the jump says “don’t look back or else you’ll spin.” We both look back because we didn’t hear. We Plummet.

I must admit I'm a bit confused about this. You've got some very good descriptions and the story flows well, but the cliffhanger at the end isn't satisfying enough -- For example, what happens to them? The "we drop" at the end is too ambiguous for me, it feals like your stating the obvious, as they did just jump off a bridge. If you're looking for a more dramatic ending then you might want to sonsider something more like "we plummeted" or something?

I also don't undersand why people were crying and that? They were jumping off a bridge with a harness and stuff for sport right? Personaly, I've never done it before but I'm pretty sure there isn't a hight rate of death surely? Anyway:

Thankfully it was over. I looked behind me and saw that I was hanging sixty feet above the ground, dangling by a man-made lifeline. She wanted me to swing from trees as well as climb them. I always did whatever she asked. She leads me to face my fears and complete my task. She has taught me to enjoy facing my fears and that fear is a sense of personal insecurity with ones own strength. I was done. I was content. But she was not.

Bad opening in my opinion. The sudden change of tense from past to present seems clunky.
I was confused by the second bit in bold. For some reason I had am image of the narrator being a monkey... but maybe that's just me.
The rest of the paragraph is good, it established the plot and some characterisation. I didn't understand the significance of it though until after I'd finished reading, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

There was a bridge near where we were climbing. For three years she was thinking about jumping off of the bridge and she fell in love with the idea of the jump the first time she laid eyes on the bridge. I knew that soon I too would be jumping off this magnificent bridge. Our family is trying to convince her not to jump. I knew better. I understand that there is nothing that we can do to stop her from plummeting.

This paragraphs fine, just a minor plot point at the end. I understand the danger and fear behind jumping off a massive bridge, but the actual threat of their lives seems to be too much overstated. Like I said earlier, it's not as if it's a 50:50 chance they'll live or die if they go jumping.

There is a woman standing at a desk. She signs people up to jump. We looked at each other, and then to the girl beside me who asks the woman, “What are the requirements for jumping?” I become uneasy. The woman who wants her to jump explains that jumping isn’t as bad as people think. I understand her fascination with this bridge. She didn’t see past the woman’s marketing scheme. She decides to jump in forty minutes.

A bit confusing that. What's the woman's marketing scheme got to do with whether she jumps or not? You've already established that she's wanted to jump off that bridge for three years.

We do not know how to fill the time. We walk up the bridge and look into the canyon below and then we walk back down from the bridge. Each time we look at the bridge and into the canyon she gets more and more excited. After fifteen minutes she lines up to get weighed. She walks towards the scale with a nervous grin on her face. She is too light to go alone. She has to tandem jump. I always do whatever she asks. She leads me to face my fears. We have a choice; either we get strapped together by our legs and get pushed off of the bridge, or we get harnessed together and shot down 90 feet into the canyon. If we get shot into the canyon, we are then caught by a pole and shot down again and then brought back up until we are swinging like a pendulum. Since I am the heavier one, I will need to grab the pole and hold on until the boat pulls us towards them. She chooses to be shot into the canyon. Walking up the bridge she becomes unnerved. I am shaking. The boy harnesses us together and tells us not to worry. The people behind us are crying. The intensity is building and then it becomes our turn. Slowly we get harnessed together. She is beginning to look nervous. I have trouble speaking.

I love the part in this paragraph where the reader understands that he is going to have to face his fears and jump with her. The simple statement of "I always do whatever she asks" is extremely effective. It does feel a waste though that all of this expertly built tension is about bungie jumping. It could be a lot more. -- But then again, I don't know the reason you wrote this. Also, I don't understand the part about the pole, but that's purely because I've done anything like this. The canyon could do with some befiting description at the begining as well. And I still don't get why the people are crying.

Finally we are ready, the person who runs the jump attaches us to a cable. We look down. Like us, the cable is slowly becoming more and more tense. Finally, the man who runs the jump says “don’t look back or else you’ll spin.” We both look back because we didn’t hear. We drop.

I like the personification of the cable, good stuff. As I said earlier, I think you should change "We drop" to something more suitable.

All in all this was a fun little piece of writing. I especialy like the way tension is built up very effectively through the narrator. I just feel that with the characterisation that you've done you could maybe take that and turn it into something much more?

Anyway, good stuff.

yo man!
jumping off the bridge with the girl you are dating, yeah sweat! you must really like her man to do such extreme stuff like that. anyways i once had been on the brink of death myself for the stupid little girl way back when i was in highschool... anyways that's beside the point.

Technically, this is a story. I would disagree with the first critique becoz i liked the opening. that was a strong opening for me. Well, relatively strong. People have different perception. Although it was quite vague if what you have mentioned "over" was another jump somewhere or the very same jump from the bridge. You could have mentioned where did you take that first jump (if it was a different jump). But i loiked that you made the readers feel the inner tension on the narrator about effing jumping off high altitudes. I am acrophobic myself but i used to do bungee jumping in college (ironically) so i knew the feeling.

Another point was that there was a mention of too many "she" that i don't know who you were mentioning (the woman at the desk or your girlfriend). The non-usage of name is absolutely cool although one needs to be carefull not to make the story a community of "she". It is quite disorienting, readers need to take a second glance to understand the context and finally comprehend who is the "she" in the particular sentence. Althoguh i commend the "no-name" policy as this works best on the first-person perspective. I have read a book wherein there was no mention of the protagonist name, just a "he" and the use was to good effect. i think if oyu could avoid the pitfall of too many "he's" or "she's" in this case, this story could be really, really good.

I think humor is undeniable. That would make the readers symphatize with the narrator and hold on til the end of the story. your tool is humor and you should build on that. Capitalize it, make it funnier without sounding too funny.

All in all this is a good read, relatively short (you could cater for teenage guys as auidience), simple and funny altogether.