Dispersed Doubts

RedSmiles wrote:Upon our first touch of lips,
all the doubts stowed in my mind,
your skin confined to my finger's tips,
but still my doubts to hide behind. This line didn't really make sense, it was like yoda talk but with only half the words. Perhaps you could use "But I had my doubts to hide behind"
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As I hid you divulged,
with each word a qualm was purged,
and now I have nowhere to hide, Why would you think of a place you could hide if you stated in the line after this that you stand proudly by his side?
standing proudly by your side.
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Now with all my doubts dispersed,
I carefully write you a free verse.I don't know if it's really alright to mention how you're writing a poem in your poem. It just seems kinda... wrong.
How emotions ricochet,
rearing elation per a day. per a day? Sounds like very very forced rhyming, and it didn't' really make sense.
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From when our eyes did first converge,Shakespeare was over 300 years ago, try using normal grammar.
my hearts continued on its surge,
feeling no need to impede,Your heart feels no need to impede its amplifying speed? It doesn't really make sense to me, why would you impede yourself?
It's ever amplifying speed.

Upon our first touch of lips,

Now with all my doubts dispersed,
I carefully write you a free verse.
How emotions ricochet,
rearing elation per a day.