"Time to Say Good-bye"

I don't usually explain my poetry when I share it, but this particular one is something different. I'm taking a creative writing class at my school because I love writing so much, but the poetry is something that I've always needed work on. Anyway, we were required to write a villanelle for a grade and I was thinking about a fight a friend of mine and I had, so I wrote this the best I could in a short amount of time - and yeah, I guess there may be some places where it seems a bit forced. So, for pity's sake, please go easy on me! lol.

________________________________________________________________

I'm sorry I didn't try.
This was something I did not intend.
It's just time to say good-bye.

I guess I should imply
I never was that good of a friend.
I'm sorry I didn't try.

It's something we cannot deny.
There is nothing here to defend.
It's just time to say good-bye.

I can't keep putting this on standby.
It doesn't seem to be something I can mend.
I'm sorry I didn't try.

We should stop living this little white lie.
There is no need to pretend.
It's just time to say good-bye.

Now you're just a passerby;
A symbol to prove that this is the end.
I'm sorry I didn't try.
It's just time to say good-bye.

okay well it looks like im going to be the first...this poem seems so forced.it doesnt need to rhyme and everytime you try to force a rhyme in, it threw the whole poem off. It didnt seem to be about much and it didnt make me care about what was going on. It was just confusing, however i do see some potential in it. If you were to take the first two lines start over and just write what comes it you, I think that you'd get a much better poem especially since you're writing it from an experience you had.

OK. So I liked the poem, and can totally empathise with your situation - I hate being forced to write.

The poem did seem very forced, and although when I read the poem silently the ABB rhyme scheme worked well, when I read it out loud, it just didn't, sorry.

Don't be discouraged! Please keep writing!

Pgsgirl x

It is decent, but I wish you had put more emotion into this poem. Quarrelling with a friend is never a tidy business, but that is what your poem implies. How did this fight make you feel? Why has it led to such drastic measures of cutting the friendship off? Make us feel how you felt about this fight and your poem will be less forced and more fantastic!

Hi there SuzieCake! I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, I have to agree with Moriah up there. You have the potential to inject so much emotion in here, not mindless angst but honest emotion, and yet you choose not to. Think of how this relates to you, get that really centered in your mind, and then rewrite the poem and make it as personal as possible. Show us the emotion of how hard a decision like this must be. That will improve this greatly.

So, you have a decent start here, but you've still got some work to do. Float me a PM if you've got any comments or questions.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

I never like reading poetry about something like this, because, for me, at the end of the day, this kind of stuff is absolutely pointless. I always think that, when I'm ninety years old and on my deathbed, will I really look back and say, "Man, I wish me and Michael from ninth grade were still friends."? I certainly hope not. I'm not criticizing you or the piece, per se, but I can't say I like it either. :/

Also, it might be just a *tiny* bit unrealistic the way the narrator so easily admits her faults. In reality, you would obviously be angry, upset, hurt, etc., and wouldn't want to say, "Well, I guess I wasn't that great of a friend, so BYE!" If someone truly felt bad about something they knew they did wrong, they wouldn't part ways with that person based on irreconcilable differences. To me, it's just not realistic.

HOWEVER! You absolutely don't have to take this personally or anything; I'm just being cruel and putting every person in the world under one category. I obviously don't know what your situation was like, so I can't help but look at the big picture, instead of just your picture. :/

But don't worry! Your style of poetry isn't bad or anything. This just doesn't appeal to me personally.

First of all, let me say that I absolutely loathe villanelles I started reading some, because I thought the concept of overt repetition sounded interesting, but the lines always seem to be in the wrong place and every one I've read is confuddled and jarring and altogether unpleasant. But obviously, if you have to write one, there's nothing you can do about that.
That being said, I thought this was pretty enjoyable. There were some forced rhymes, like good-bye and standby, and I don't like the phrase

SuzieCake wrote:It doesn't seem to be something I can mend.

I totally get what you mean, but it doesn't sound right in this way.
On a whole, this piece felt cold and clinical, but that's something I encounter with all villanelles.
So I hope you get an A on you poem and keep working at this,
Empress