Four Roses

hello.

i really loved this. i remembered our lesson in english last month..about a sick rose because of an invisible worm who slowly killed her, and the last rose of the poem, the black one, reminded me of that.

great idea and nice poem.

keep it up.

love this.

And I knew that together they stood for love,
From its beginning to the end.

Oh, Hawkie, this is wonderful! You've used rhyme in this great way, it doesn't feel forced a t all so I really commend you for that. You've kept the emotion there too, and the story you're telling flows seamlessly throughout. The syllable count, I agree, can be a little off, but overall you've done a wonderful job here!

~Amy

Hawkie, my dear, that was stunning.

You've really captured this well and I commend you. I absolutely loved it. Gold star for you!

Seriously, I'm having trouble coming up with any criticism beyond the line lengths. That could use a little work, but when I did the "read-it-aloud" test, it was the first one where I've been left with nothing to say. Normally I'm good at picking out flaws in writing - being the kind of geek whose Twilight books are covered in red annotations - but here, I'm afraid you've left me without complaint.

Seriously... wow!

Hope I helped, although I can't see how
~Grin

Four roses grew in the hidden glade,
Four roses, tall and bright,
With velvet petals all adorned.
Surrounded by a shining light.
The first rose was purest white, rhyming is too forced
Beautiful as the rising sun,
It stood for the simple innocence
Of love when it's first begun.
The second rose was fairest pink,
It stood for that first glad dance,
The sweetness of their clasped hands
The joy of their romance.
The third rose was shining red, [b]shining red.. shining red. shining isn't the word I'd use[b]
As love at its zenith height.
Sentiments may fade, but the emerging love
Is refined and contrite.
The fourth rose was deepest black,
It stood for bitter death.
A mourning girl by her lover's side,
His final gasping breath.
As I saw these roses four,
Their colors seemed to blend,
And I knew that together they stood for love,
From its beginning to the end.

Overall: a sweet little poem, a little cliche but that's alright! Good imagery. Watch your word choice in some places... don't rhyme just for the sake of rhyming! Sorry about the short review. I'm pooped today, just did a whole essay while I'm sick

Anyways, keep writing, I enjoyed it!
8/10


SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired!
Tennis!