The Nighttime Sky.

The Nighttime Sky.
I step out of the golden Chevrolet. I take a deep breath.
I smell the smells, of the nighttime sky.
Fresh cut grass. Newly bailed hay. And trees.
Those smells brought peace. Tranquility. And happiness.
A nice easy breeze blows my brown hair out of my face.
I wanted to cry. It made me so happy to see and smell the nighttime sky.
I walked the path. Smelled the flowers on the way. Looked at the sky once more. And before I knew it , the house was in front of me and I was home.

Hello there! I'm Jackie & I'll be reviewing your poem.

The Nighttime Sky

Somehow, I wasn't sure whether this is just the title again or whether it's actually meant to be the first line of the poem? I'd somehow like it as a first line, though!

I smell the smells, of the nighttime sky.

"Smell the smells", the repetition sounds kind of odd, I'm sure you could find another word for either the verb or the noun. There is also no comma needed before 'of'.

A nice easy breeze blows my brown hair out of my face.

It feels a bit weird to describe your own hair, if you ask me. The line would work perfectly without the "brown".


Generally:
I feel like there is absolutely no rhythm to this, no flow. It reads like prose put into lines. You might want to work on that. Plus, the last line is endlessly long, it doesn't fit in.
I liked your choice of words, though, mostly. Especially the line

Fresh cut grass. Newly bailed hay. And trees.

[Although I just noticed that it should be "freshly", shouldn't it? ]
I do get the overall feeling you want to give, I liked that!

But: Pay attention to tense. You keep switching from present to past tense.
So you might want to revise it, give it some more rhythm and flow and check the tenses. Other than that, I quite enjoyed reading this.

xxx
Jackie


P.S.: YWS kindly asks you to review at least 3 works from other members before you post your own, please make sure to catch up on that. Thank you!

Oh. My. Word. THIS IS POETRY. No need for scheme, no odd, forced rhymes or rhythms... it's purely emotion and one moment. It's so clear and beautiful; simple enough to be understandable and yet deep... I am highly impressed. In some way, it seems almost impressionistic, which personally, for myself, is a great thing. That's the style I'm strongest in, so reading your poem was sort of a breath of fresh air for me - to see another writer with the same style is really exciting.
Now, as far as the suggestions above go, I'd like to agree with some and disagree with some.
I'd advise you to listen to Jackie on watching your tense; switching from past to present can get somewhat confusing and really ruins the professional flow of a poem.
Punctuation could use a little work, but not much. A few revisions here and there, and it'll greatly improve the readability.
The description of your own hair seems fine to me, really. If anything it adds to the imagery and the moment as the character sees it.
And about the fact that "It reads like prose put into lines"... well, I think that's perfectly fine. I don't think that needs any "working on". Whatever you see as poetry IS poetry. It doesn't have to be a strict, rigid formation of words following any rhythm. The style in which this is written fits the scene perfectly as far as I'm concerned.
I really enjoyed reading your piece. =)
Write on!

This piece was very descriptive, which is great! But at the end, i kind of had a feeling of "What.. that's it!?". Also, you might want to try to find some other words for "I" or just refrain from using it as much. Besides that, I enjoyed how you kind of put me there in your moment, as brief as it was.

I thought it was good and flowed well until the end. When it said about getting home, I was like what does that have anything to do with the poem? It also lacked the poetry feel. Maybe trimming your line up would help. overall good Job!

i really enjoyed your poem but the end was a big downer, i was like "is that it?"so do try and fix that. the rest of your poem was great though.i could smell the

I smell the smells, of the nighttime sky.
Fresh cut grass. Newly bailed hay. And trees.

and i could feel the wind in my hair,
well done to you and good luck!
dancingclouds! xxx

I loved your poem, and, although short, I really get what you are trying to say. I mean, the end was a bit cliche, I think I have ended a piece like that before, so you might want to change that. Uhh, I think thats all I have to say.
Well done!
~Alter.

This poem has good bone structure, but it needs some more meat on those bones. Nighttime is so much more than just what you can see and smell. I wish you had expanded on this. Explore all five senses. What do you hear? What can you touch? What can you taste and smell and see? Be descriptive! Use metaphors and colorful imagery, be creative! Most importantly, infuse your poetry with more emotion, real emotion that your reader can feel. Don't tell us how you feel, make us feel how you feel!

Also bailed should be baled. Good job, otherwise.

Hi there LadyJackson101. I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, you have potential with this poem here, but there are a couple of problems that you're going to need to overcome. For one, your structure is throwing me off a lot. It's those last two lines of yours. You use a huge long wrap-around sentence and it really messes up the rhythm that you had before. I would consider finding a way to break it up.

Also, I would think about describing the surroundings a bit better in this. Try to see if, by describing the setting, you can describe the feelings of the speaker without her even saying how she feels at all. That's always a nifty trick.

So, a decent start, but you've got a bit of work to do. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice