Alone I need to be...

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We all need time to heal
When all are strength is gone
We all need to feel
Like our decisions aren’t wrong

Nobody wants to be alone
But alone I need to be
When every dream that came along
Has seize to be
Alone I need to be

It is said that time can heal all things
Then I hope is true
I desired wings,
But like all other things, I grew

Goodbye it’s said when all is gone
Then Goodbye to the life that inspires my soul
When everybody just carries on
And time of grieve comes to my soul
Then alone I need to be
To rest my soul and come to be




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Okay: I actually really like this - but there are a few things that you could do to
improve it.
When reading this I understand that this is a very emotional poem for you. A poem that comes from the bottom of your heart. I do not wish to be tactless by reveiwing this, and if you do not wish it to be reveiwed then you can remove it as I can understand if you do not wish to change it in any way.

We all need time to heal
When all are strength is gone


This is a really good opening, little wordy mistake in there though:
"When all our strength is gone"

We all need to feel
Like our decisions aren’t wrong

This bit is good, but I dont really like your use of the word 'like' - it seems a bit ammatureish. The professional alternative to like is 'as if' but it might make throw the rhythm. How about:
"We all need to feel
our decisions are never wrong"
- eesh, thats not good, but I'm sure you could come up with something better.

Nobody wants to be alone
But alone I need to be

This is very good.

When every dream that came along
Has seize to be
Alone I need to be

Hmm.. when you say 'seize' do you mean ceased? Seize means to grab someone or something and ceased means finish. If you do mean ceased then its a really good statement. Little rhythm bash going on there though. How about saying:
"Has always ceased to be
And it is because of this
Alone I need to be"

It is said that time can heal all things
Then I hope is true

Nice - apart from when you say 'then' do you mean 'that'.. or even 'this'?

I desired wings,
But like all other things, I grew

Good stuff!

Goodbye it’s said when all is gone
Then Goodbye to the life that inspires my soul

Little nitpick here. When you say 'it's' do you mean 'is'? And also, 'then' at the beginning of the second line also kind of throws the rhythm. Personally, I think if you take it out it will flow better.

When everybody just carries on
And time of grieve comes to my soul

Wow - this is a very moving line, but again, a little nitpick. Would 'everyone' sound better than 'everybody'?

Then alone I need to be
To rest my soul and come to be

Fantastic.

This is a very remarkable, moving poem. You can tell that it comes from deep within and these words mean a lot to you. I - like you have found that poetry is a sucessful emotional outlet, but none of my stuff is comparable to this.
Theres noone better to write for young people than young people...




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OK, so this was really deep, and I think I get what you're trying to say, but on to some reviewing words which I consider fightin words.(ok, that was really stale, bear with me)

The rhyme scheme worked pretty well for the most part. Not every line needs to rhyme, but for the poem you wrote I feel that that would only work if it was in organized stanzas. I think they should be actually in couplets, or set quatrains with one off if necessary, like your second stanza was five. If you just added another space it would create a pause but a nice flow into the next one. Also, you might want to measure your meter in the poem. It's really choppy and it disrupts the flow in a bit of an awkward way. I think that when you say "alone i need to be" it should be separate, or at least after or in between a line that has a steady meter and maybe a rhyme.

But I love what you're trying to say. Sometimes you do need to be alone, just to get your thoughts together if anything. Keep writing! :elephant:
C.F.Blessed
Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections.

While I am busy with little things, I am not required to do greater things.
Saint Francis de Sales




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I really like the idea behind this poem. It reminds me of when my great-grandmother died, and how I just wanted to be alone to cope with her death.

I feel like this poem is...stale. I guess what I am trying to say is that you are telling us why you want to be alone, instead of showing us. When you write poetry, you don't want to tell the reader how you feel. You want to make the reader feel how you feel. Does that make sense? IF you can do that, then this poem would be much better.
I am not addicted to reading, I can quit as soon as I finish one more chapter.




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Hello there :) I really liked this poem. Being alone is something everyone needs sometimes.

On to the nitpicking...

Your stanzas aren't the same length. They don't even hold a pattern of any other type of poetry. Keeping to one set pattern will help your poem have a flow that is pleasing to readers and will make your poem more effective.

I did think the poem worked very well until the last stanza... Once I got there it kind of fell apart. It doesn't match the other stanzas, pattern-wise. Perhaps adjusting some lines or an entirely new stanza could help this.

Also, check your spelling. It's been pointed out but I just wanted to mention it as well. Having correct spelling improves any sort of writing ten-fold.

This poem could be really good. It just needs a bit of work. ;)

Keep writing!

-Lauren
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They who talk all day of beauty call all the plain things dirty
— John Darnielle