<3 What i need

Hi there
I've underlined the bits I'm not sure about and my explanations and suggestions are in brackets.

hisangel_08 wrote: Leaning (Leaning [i]in sounds better) to hug me,
i(make it a capital please) can feel my heart buzzing away like a humming birds(if you mean a humming bird's heart, there should be an apostrophe between the d and s)
I am trembling with the nerves that you give me
like an (incorrect article - should be 'a') river meeting the ocean for the first time (full stop)
It is the most rushing feeling (This doesn't make sense, consider changing 'rushing' to something else, how about 'euphoric'?) that i can ever feel.
Never leave my side (insert a comma)
Because if you do, it's like tearing me apart.
You make my heart stop (insert full stop)
head race (Doesn't make sense, perhaps: 'You make my head race'?)
Butterflies move around my stomach like a race track (I think a different simile should be used here)
You make me feel like no one else (insert full stop)
You give what i want and everything i need(Would make more sense if you said, 'You give me what I want and you're everything I need')[/i]

But aside from the nitty-gritty, it's a lovely poem! I found I could relate to it
Best wishes

I agree, this poem is very easy to relate to. I actually like it. With a few corrections (Ela's is great advice) it will be a great poem!

Obviously you need to do spell and grammar check before you post anything on YWS. It makes everyone's lives so much easier and happier. While this poem was beautifully written and well-structured, it didn't bring anything new to the table.

If you're writing on a common theme, like love, you should be bringing something new to it. It is obvious that you're not, with such lines as:

Butterflies move around my stomach like a race track

Twist cliches, use overused statements in a new way. Try to use metaphors and imagery to present it in your own way. Go beyond just the sense of sight and touch, explore sounds, tastes, and smells. Explore more emotions other than the exhilaration you feel from love. You can also feel fear, doubt, happiness, sadness, jealousy, comfort, and acceptance. I don't want you to think that you can't write, because you can.

Hi there hisangel_08! I'm Conrad, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

So, while I did like this poem, I'm afraid that it says things in ways that they have already been said. This works sometimes, but when you are dealing with a subject like love, especially in poem form, you really need to think about finding a new way to say it. I would suggest really relating it to you, like finding some event that you could use to make a personal connection between yourself and the feelings you are trying to express. Then use your description of that event to come up with new ways to talk about love.

So, a good start, but it does need work. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice