Thank you for your comments in advance
It still needs lots of polishing ._.
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9th August 1998
My dearest wife, today you leave me.
Till death do us part…
I still remember those vows we exchanged. It seemed like just yesterday we were on our honeymoon in Rome. You looked so beautiful in your turquoise sundress and your eyes… they sparkled with life.
Even now, as you sleep peacefully like an angel, death has not taken away your loveliness. It has only captured it, sealing it in a permanent picture.
It has only been fifty-four years. Much too little a time. I wish I could have spent more time with you. I held your hands as we said our final goodbyes, still soft as they were when I first danced with you during our Senior Prom. But the warmth… it is gone. Your hands are cold.
Dearest, I have cried until my tears ran dry. I have broken my promise to you, when I asked you to marry me.
Do you remember what you said?
Are you here with me, darling, watching over me?
I don’t like the silence. It is a constant reminder that I am alone. I already miss the tinkling laugh that you make, that sweet, joyful smile you save, just for me. Every day.
I love you… Meredith.
**********
9th August 1999
A year has passed. A year exactly, since you were gone.
Time has not healed me, Meredith. I yearn for you so, so much. Every second that you aren’t with me feels like a stranger. Like an unpleasant, unfamiliar touch that I try to recoil from.
The days crawl, my dear. I sit in our room, listless. Christine tells me to get out for some fresh air, but I don’t want to. I prefer it here, where it reminds me most of you.
On the bed, where we used to lie together every night, holding each other safe. Sometimes, I would circle my arms around you in an embrace and spend moments watching you rest. The gentle rise and fall of your chest, the untroubled look on your face. I would smile, feeling like the luckiest man alive, before closing my eyes and joining you in the land of dreams.
At the dressing table, where you would apply some make up and turn to beam at me, asking me if you look fine. You never look fine, Meredith. You are always a picture of absolute beauty.
By the bookshelf, on our sofa, where we would spend endless hours sitting together. I’d be reading the paper, a cup of coffee in my hand. You would be reading Jane Austen, your gorgeous waves splayed on my lap where your head lay.
I remember the time during Christmas, when you cooked our favourite dish: Chicken Cordon Bleu. You were in the kitchen, your apron draped around you, and you looked up and beamed at me as I walked in.
As if I were a teenager again, my heart stopped and my breathing hitched. Words could not have done justice to describe your loveliness. All over again, I fell in love with you.
Meredith, I long for you. Take me with you, please.
Because I would rather not live, if living means I’d have to be without you.
**********
9th August 2000
Most beloved Meredith, I enter the new millennium, with you absent by my side.
Why have you not claimed me, Meredith? Do you not want me there with you?
I can feel your presence, watching over me like a guardian angel. Even in death, you worry for me. My health fails, and I have no wish to delay my departure from this world. Our daughter, she is just like you. Such a stubborn girl, that Christine. Our grandchildren are just like her. They force me to seek treatment.
Tanya, you remember Tanya, don’t you? Christine’s eldest child. She has completed her medical courses. A doctor, just like you had once been. I am very fond of Tanya. Christine didn’t have them, but she passed it on. Those brilliant green eyes of yours. Like a fresh meadow, glistening like morning dew under sunlight.
Sometimes, at night, I try to fall asleep without you in my arms. Such an empty feeling. I want to hear your melodic voice whisper in my ears: ‘Good night, Oliver.’
But no, it is not your voice that lulls me to sleep, but my sobs.
**********
9th August 2001
The doctor says my heart is failing. I tell him that it is not failing, but merely broken.
Three years... it feels more like thirty years.
Your clothes have lost your scent, but I will never forget it. A sweet blend of honeysuckle and lavender powder. It is my favourite perfume. Your pictures, our pictures, they do nothing to alleviate my pain. They only make me long for you even more.
I apologise, Meredith. It seems that keeping my promise will be harder than I believed. Letting go is not easy, I have learnt.
Letting go of the person I love the most is too difficult, Meredith. I don’t want to do it… but I must, am I right, dearest? It would be your fondest wish to see me do so.
I will try. I will try my best. Still, know this:
I love you, and if there is life after this, I will still continue to love you, even in death, I will look for you. Then, we can live in everlasting happiness together.
The only comfort I have is that I feel that my end is near, and I will soon be with you again. Wait for me… Meredith.
**********
9th August 2002
Beloved Meredith,
I have been selfish. Your daughter and grandchildren, they miss you too.
Christine recently celebrated her thirty fifth anniversary with Paul. Their children have sent them on a cruise to Alaska.
Great news, my dear! Tanya had given birth to a healthy baby boy a month ago. Mother and child are doing well. Like his mother, little Thomas has your mesmerising green eyes. Dylan is all grown up as well. He has gone into law, and is engaged to an exceptional young lady.
Tanya says that my health is picking up. Perhaps, our meeting will have to be delayed for a while. Christine was shocked when I told her, she thought I was becoming suicidal.
No, I will not resort to that for it would upset and disappoint you greatly, Meredith. I know that.
Yet a sooner than later departure from this world, I will always hope for.
Five years have passed but my love for you has never waned,
… And it never will.
**********
9th August 2003
I love you, Meredith Gillian Parker. So very, very much.
**********
9th August 2004
It has taken me seven years, but I have finally emerged triumphant in my battle to keep my promise.
Today, I visited your resting place. It was not the last visit, but the last time I would be sad. No more, Meredith.
I brought our favourite Domaine Romanée-Conti ’42. We toasted to a happier life for me, and a peace of mind for you. I brought you your favourite flowers, like the ones at our wedding. White daisies.
I talked about life since you left, how things have changed in the world, while you sat there quietly listening. On the cool marble, your breathtaking beauty smiled at me.
You have every reason to smile, Meredith.
From henceforth, I will no longer shed tears of sadness. I will no longer drown myself in misery. I will live, for both of us. If I shed tears, they will be in happiness.
I will not cry because you have left, but I will smile…
Because you lived.
**********
It was the most painful thing I had to endure; from the moment those cruel words forced their way out of the doctor’s mouth.
“Her time is almost up.”
You smiled gently at the doctor, knowing that you had not long to live, accepting it.
To sit there, by your hospital bed, watching you slowly waste away, knowing that in any moment, you could simply slip out of my reach, and never return.
Watching you die, made me want to follow you.
That evening, I held onto your hand, frail like a flower petal, but beautiful even so. I traced the blue veins that weaved themselves in your hand, feeling the soft beating of your heart in your wrist, telling me that you were still there with me.
“Promise me, Oliver.” You breathe, and I ask you what I should promise you.
“Promise that you will learn to let go of me, because you cannot hold onto me forever. Time will not permit that and I will suffer, knowing that I am the cause of your suffering.”
At that, tears trickled their way down my face and I clutched your hand tighter, bringing it closer to my heart, more determined than ever to keep you with me. I answered fiercely, “Love transcends time,
“My dear, why do you cry?” You smile softly at me, removing your hand from my grip to tenderly wipe away my tears. I quickly catch your hand and press it against my cheek, unwilling to let you out of my grasp for even a second.
“I-is it truly what you want, Meredith? Do you really want me to f-f-forget you?”
“Not forget, dearest.” You bring my hand to your lips, kissing it with so much affection, that the tears fell faster, more frequently. “However, it would be my fondest wish that you don’t cling onto your memory of me, making it harder for you to pass the days. When I die-“
“You will not die!” I cried, stroking your lovely face.
Again, you simply smile, “Yes, I will die, Oliver. And soon. But you will never be alone, because I will always be watching over you. Never forget, my love.”
In response, I cried harder. I was desperate to have you to myself forever, as selfish as that was. Yet I could not deny the truth in your words, so I refused it.
“I’m going to take a nap, Ollie.” You murmured, calling me an endearment I’d not heard in decades. Your eyes drank in my figure, finally resting on my eyes, holding my gaze as I stared back, through the moisture, into those brilliant green eyes that I fell in love with as a young man. Through my eyes, I promised to uphold your wish.
“And I will be here when you wake up.” I whispered softly, but you did not hear. Your hand curls around mine, and mine around yours. With my other hand, I stroked your hair and watched the gentle rise and fall of your chest, just as I had always done when you slept.
As if it took an eternity, your heart slowed until it came to a complete stop. Your hand went limp around mine, and I was the only one holding on.
It was then, Meredith, that you died.
