love and despair

Hi, Caged! Welcome to Young Writers Society! =)

I do like it, but there are a few things that need to be fixed.

When you love, can't you still feel the despair lingering in the air in which you breath?

When your in despair, don't you just go to the ones that truly love you for you?

I think these two lines would work and flow much better if they were reworded. You also need to fix some of it by adding the correct punctuation (See the bold). For the most part the poem is good, but like I said you just need to look through for any punctuation or parts that don't flow that well. Try reading your poem out loud, or have a friend or family member read it out loud; this can help you find what doesn't flow well. I suggest both you and someone else try reading it out loud though, because sometimes the author can't really see the parts that don't flow if they are reading it. But if someone else reads it out loud to you, it makes it easier for you to hear what doesn't flow and they might also be able to offer suggestions. Once you've done that, consider different other ideas that would fit the poem and make it flow and sound better. Overall, you did a great job on this, and there isn't really much you have to fix.

I do like this, and I can't wait to see more of your works. Good luck and happy writing!

Hope this helps! =)

~Eris

P.S. Feel free to message me anytime if you want me to critique something for you, I'd love to help you anytime you need!

Love this one too!! i know that "love and despair" is your favorite thing to say!
good job, your sooo good at poerty!!