secundigravida

Qu’est-ce que nous allons ecrire?
Je ne sais pas, nous verrons.
My favourite thing from the cake shop is an éclair
With an éclair, you can never go wrong.
Et voila nous ecrivons des gateaux
Fantastique, nous ne pouvons pas penser de quelque chose plus philosophique.
I also like me some chocolate gateaux,
‘More chocolate!’ That’s my philosophy. Neat.
Bien que nous soyons tres intelligente, nous ne sommes pas des poetes.
Donc, moi je se mit ecrire une poeme tres connu par Louis labet
Speaking of puddings, I also like suet.
Éclairs, gateaux, and suet pudding is the best.
Et je commence; baise m’encor, re baise moi et baise
And actually, I like anything that comes with a glaze
Donne m’en un de tes plus savoureux
Donne m’en un de tes plus amoureux
I quite like sticky toffee pudding, cause its covered with goo,
On the other hand, it slightly resembles a poo.
Jouissons nous?
Quatre plus chaud que braise
Do you think so too?
Now let us have a chocolate surprise!
Le fin

Poet --

I can't see much value in the ways of meaning to this; I can't tell if the poetic focus of this is in rhythm; my pronunciation in French is bad, but I did come across occasional rhyme in this. It wasn't enough to support the poem in a manner where rhyme overrid the other factors of it.

In honesty, for most poems, I feel that meaning comes before other devices [rhyme, meter, etc]. Aaaand, to be honest, the parallelism of the title and themes here doesn't fit together well -- it's... oddly spoken, perhaps a bit twisted, and I think it needs organization first. I couldn't get a very substantial grip on this -- I would recommend getting your message out first and then constructing the French and English around this a little bit better. Put themes first; getting your message across clearly is better than the sound and such.

Jevous remercie par le poeme --

bonne chance

June

Oo-ers! French!

Well, I think I can give you a little hand with the rhyme here since French is my native language.

Now, I think that you may lack a little knowledge of the French language, I'm not sure, I cannot judge, but for example:

Le fin

La fin
The french language is slightly complicated for this kind of thing. ^^

Also, though I picked up a bit of a flow every once and a while in English, the French cut off the flow and turned into statements of sorts. You want to pick your words carefully, and it's twice as hard if you're switching between languages that do not create the same sounds. Stick to one language for the moment, might be slightly easier and definitely help you improve.

Though, thumbs up for entertainment value, this was very cute.

Any questions, whatsoever? Drop me a line.

Kamas

Salut, Le Poète Inconnu!

You have no idea how much I want to write this review in French. But I won't do it.

First off, I absolutely positively adore the idea of writing a poem in two languages like this. However, it really did seem like this was just an experiment between the language switch and not so much of a poem, because the actual thought was quite hard to follow.

I'm not a French speaker by any means, but it seemed to me that you aren't exactly "on speaking terms" yet with the language either. By this I mean that there seemed to be some misspellings and ideas in need of clarification.

I think the main purpose of this poem is right in the beginning:

Qu’est-ce que nous allons ecrire?
Je ne sais pas, nous verrons.

aka. you just wanted to write something without a specific goal. This is of course fine, and things should always be written, but if you're not careful, this kind of stream of consciousness writing can turn into something very confusing and meaning-lacking.

However, I believe that a poem written in, er, Frenglish would be something magnificent, if only done well. It almost makes me want to try it too... Keep up the imagination, but please clarify your thoughts to yourself first!


Demeter
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