no breathing no emotion no logic no feelings no heart no sickness no danger no pain no food no friends no bathroom no music no religion no language no memories no flowers no parents no struggle no mistakes no writing no seeing no tasting no smelling no driving no playing no beliefs no attachments no death no time no waiting no bruises no losing no winning no fans no enemies no thoughts no musings no passion no children no love no family no future no past no present no walking no history no gods no goddess no apples no tea no movies no anger no sarcasm no melody no acting no flesh no soul no being no meaning no work no cramps no headaches no nation no pride no beauty no ugliness no change no skirts no pants no weddings no spring no fall no ocean no talking no touching no sex no violence no war no peace no bananas no television no lice no running no hiding no finding no surprises no birthdays no holidays no mornings no evenings no stars no snow no tree no rights no wrongs no morals no murder no greed no adultery no kidnapping no rape no police no doctors no teachers no peers no peons no superiority no money no hope no dreams no way out.
Spoiler
I like people thinking that I have something so scandalous to say that I put it in spoiler tags, and I'm sorry that because of this selfish desire you were roped into reading this for not real lasting value.
The lack of punctuation is powerful and definitely captures the "robotic" feeling, but it's a little hard to read because it just goes on and on and kind of runs together. I lost my place once or twice. I'm not sure how to fix this, though - perhaps spacing it out more, and using more of a poetic form, would help.
no bananas
That was random and kind of funny. It seems out of place in a work like this.
This was cool. Something that normally would have made me go "Oh great, not another one" you managed to pull off (that was a compliment in case you don't get the weird way I phrase things).
You certainly conveyed the emotion and got your point across. My only complaint was that some of the words were just kind of thrown in there, and kind of ruined the effect. My suggestion would be that you try to make it transition from one to the next. That way it kind of leads up to the ending (which was great, by the way), and it gets rid of all the random words (i.e. bananas).
