Love

" Don't let go "

Just hold me tight .

Kiss me softly ,

by the candlelight .

Turn up the music ,

this is your song .

Come close baby ,

where you belong .

Do you want to dance ?

I want to see you move ,

give me a chance ,

I'll show you how to grove .

As time goes by ,

and moves so fast .

I want it to go slow with you ,

so I can make it last .

Make a wish every day ,

so I can make it come true.

I'm sending Love your way ,

and kisses just for you .

You are my everything ,

more than words can say .

I wish we never had to part ,

and You were with me everyday .



by R.M.D. 6-29-2009

Hello there!!


I read this poem on a review that you left, and I must say, it caught my attention, which is good for a poem. I really liked this piece because, for me, It held a lot of emotion. You had great imagery and detail, so that's good as well. I liked the fact that the poem rhymed well, and (thank god), made sense.


Good job!! Keep up the great work!!


~*Hailey,<3

I love this! I love the rhyme sceme used in it, and all the emotion you put into it. I don't see anything that I don't like in it. So this isn't much of a review haha.

Hey BowLove ^^ I'm Shina and I will be your reviewer this evening.

Don't let go ,[/b]*

just hold me tight .

Kiss me softly ,

by the candle light .

* You need to take out that [/b] because I'm pretty sure you didn't mean to put it there.
Candlelight is one word, and the last line kind of ruins the flow for me. I think it's just the wording.

Turn up the music ,

this is your song .

Come close baby ,

this is where you belong .

The last line has too many syllables. I suggest changing it to "it's where you belong"

Do you want to dance ?

I love the way you move ,

give me a chance ,

I will improve !

The last ruins the flow here, and the exclamation point isn't needed. xD I think it would sound better as "if I suck, I'll improve" or something along the lines of that.

As time goes by ,

and moves so fast .

I'd like it to stop with you ,

so I could make it last .

Third line ruins flow. Maybe "I'd like to pause, so I could make it last". It sounds better because the line you put is too wordy and a bit confusing.

Make a wish every day ,

so I can hope it will come true.

I'm sending Love your way ,

and kisses just for you .

The second line doesn't make sense. Why would you want her to make a wish every day just so you could "hope" it will come true. It would make more sense to put "Make a wish every day, so I can make it come true" because lovers usually want to do more than just hope. Love doesn't have to be capitalized.

You are my everything ,

more than words can say .

I wish you never left ,

I wish You were with me everyday

Last line's "I wish" seems repetitive and has too many syllables. I think "I wish you never left, that you'd be with me each day" works better here.


Overall: The rhyme scheme worked well here, but it limited the imagery. I liked the poem ^^ Just try to do some more imagery next time, Bow!


-Shina

Hey Bow Love!

I'm June, your critic for the moment. Welcome to YWS, by the way.

To be honest, you had a wonderful rhyme scheme going throughout this with a nice, even rhythm. Bonus points for that; too often do I stumble across poems that are nonsensical due to their fruitless rhyme.

I do like how you kept the length of the lines rather short; having this like this was very effective in a sense that there's barely any time for the audience to grow bored of this.

However, with it's great scheme and all it's rhyming glory, I have to say that this isn't the most attention getting poem. It's well written, yes, but I feel as if it's common-- no offense. It's only because Love poem are the most common, common poems around. (Which pretty much results in overuse and boredom for the audience). The fact that they are so common makes it easy to write about and relate to (since everyone has or will fall in love) and such.

But, it's just that the theme isn't unique. Now, this is a personal preference of mine, so my review is based upon what I enjoy. I think that in order to pull off a poem about love and it be truly interesting to the audience requires some sort of new idea, new device to make it ring and sound unique to us. I don't mean the same words, same rhyme-- anything, I mean a new outlook.

/rambling.

Sorry for going preachy on you. I did find this rather nice, and as I said, you've done a wonderful job with rhyme, dear.

Just! Be sure to avoid posting your poem on another person's piece asking for reviews. Some people naturally return the favor; others don't. However, you may request critiques here so long as you review as well, kay?

Welcome aboard our ship!

June

I like this poem. it has a good flow to it. the message for this poem is a message to share with other people. there isn't much or anything to say about this poem that is bad. i like that the lines are short and not too long. I don't think any one can say that there is something wrong with this poem.

"Do you want to dance ?
I want to see you move ,
give me a chance ,
I'll show you how to groove"

I liked your poem. It showed great love for the person whom this was about, and great longing at the end. I understood the meaning behind it clearly. For that, I give you two thumbs up. ^^

The flow was wonderful and the rhyme was fantastic. I loved it ^^