The Awaking

This is a short kissing scene in one of my books. Hope you enjoy!

-------------------

“No. Please wait,” she called after him. He froze instantly as the first word came out, “I was actually looking for you,” She said in a nervous voice.

He turned to face her and cocked an eyebrow up then said “Me? I thought you were mad at me?”
“I was.” She took a couple steps forward until she was standing in front of him, “And I’m sorry. I acted completely childish and had no right to yell at you…” He was looking down at her with the eyes that she so much loved. She had an urge to reach up and touch his cheek with her finger tips. Danielle had to look away just to get the urge out of her system and out of her mind. “It’s okay if you don’t forgive me. I’ll understand.”

Danielle could hear him sigh. He gripped her chin with his fingers and made her head turn and look up straight at him. No don’t do that, if you do that then I’ll want to touch you Danielle thought then had an idea to close her eyes before she got the urge to look into her favorite eyes. Danielle felt Matthias get closer to her and then felt him bend down. What is he doing then suddenly she felt his lip touch hers and her eyes shot open and she jumped back away from him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me…” he said. Matthias was breathing hard and looking down.

Danielle didn’t know what to say or do so she did what she did best. Ran. She ran pass him and into the hall. Danielle ran until she could find her room and locked both doors. She wanted a chain around each door knob so that it wasn’t possible for anyone to come it and then one appeared out of nowhere. Danielle was breathing hard but not from being out of breath but because of what just happened in the library. Does that count as a first kiss? She asked herself.

Hello! This is really good! Thing is, you lose your tense in the last paragraph. Run should be Ran and "what she does best" should be something like "what she did best".
And your title...I love this title. Its so telling and emotional, but its been used quite a bit. I've read too books titled "The Awakening" myself and I'm sure there are probably more. Just a heads up!

Thanx! That makes it easier.

Bonjour! I'm Kate. I liked this, but you left me wanting more! Although, that's a good thing.

Grammar:

NonFictionIdot wrote:“I was actually looking for you,” She said in a nervous voice.

The bold 'she' wouldn't be capitalized because the sentence hasn't ended yet.

NonFictionIdot wrote:He turned to face her and cocked and eyebrow up then said “Me? I thought you were mad at me?”

There shouldn't be another 'and'. Just a typo, I'm sure. Also, there should be a comma after 'said'.

NonFictionIdot wrote:“I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me…” he said.

This should be, "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," he said. Don't use an ellipsis in this sentence. Instead, just use a comma as shown above.

NonFictionIdot wrote:She ran pass him and into the hall.

As Talulahbelle said, you changed your tense. Be careful of that! On that note, this sentence would be incorrect as well.

NonFictionIdot wrote:She had an urge to reach up and touch his cheek with her finger tips. Danielle had to look away just to get the urge out of her system and out of her mind.

These sentences are really good, I just suggest that you re-word them so 'urge' isn't so close together. Sounds a little off.

NonFictionIdot wrote:‘No don’t do that, if you do that then I’ll want to touch you’

I love that you let us get into Danielle's mind! However, there doesn't need to be quotes around the phrase. Just italics.

Overall, I thought this was pretty good! There iaren't very many stories that are told from third person. You did an excellent job, just watch subject verb agreement! Will you post more? I would really like to read more of this story.

Keep Writing!

-Kate