Breena Eight

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Alright. This one is short. And I hate that. I refuse to shorten my chapters just to get more reviews. I'd rather just hear comments instead of nitpicky reviews, even though those are always helpful. So, just read.

-Jayleigh :elephant:



Eight
The girl stands tall in front of the crowd. She holds up her arms to silence them, and indeed, silence follows her actions. I stand far away from the crowd of people, if that is even what they are. I stand beside the golden boy as he watches the girl. Her hair is a vibrant blue that contrasts her yellow eyes. Her skin has a certain aura around it, again the color being a shade of blue. Who is she?
“Fairies of the water court. Listen to what I must say to you.” Her voice vibrates off the rocks around us. Her tone is strong and confident. “The time is upon us. The time in which the kings and queens must step down from their posts and let a new source of power take over. Like how our kind began, we will once again have order under one queen.” A few people in the crowd hiss. “You do not agree that this is an acceptable fate for our court?”
People begin to mutter with their neighbors. Someone near the center throws up his fists and screams, “No!”
She stands straight. “Okay then, let us change this fate. I have a plan!”
They cheer her on.
“The courts have sent out a rogue to seek out our new queen, someone of unimportance to any of our court. He is to find her and bring her back here. But how are we to know she will even be our queen? She is in the mortal realm and does not even know of us! We cannot trust the kings’ and queens’ judgment on this. We must act on our own.”
They continue to cheer and a smile creeps on her face.
“I have sent out a rogue of my own. A close friend that I have known for many years that I can trust with the task I have given him. He is to seek out the queen and make sure she does not come to Breena. She is not to know of our existence.”
“Won’t that kill the kings and queens?” someone asks from the crowd.
Others join in, saying, “Yeah, what about the courts?”
She puts her hands up to silence them again, this time it takes a bit longer to calm them. “Please, listen. I know the legend and I know they will die. But why do we even need them? Do you really think we need leaders anymore? I don’t. Their ruling us is pointless. We can be free from them and the tiring rules of the court. We can be free!”
They cheer once again. The golden boy besides me shakes his head. “This must be stopped,” he says and he turns and walks away.
I turn to follow him away from the crowd, but my surroundings begin to falter and fade into darkness.

My body shot up immediately at the sound of a loud thump. I looked around, but it was too dark to see what made the strange noise. I squinted and scanned the room again. That time, something shadowed caught my eye. Or, someone shadowed.
My arm quickly reached towards my nightstand to turn on my lamp. By the time my fingers found the switch, I had pushed too hard and it began to tumble towards the floor. I didn’t try to stop it as it rolled under my bed.
What little light that shone from under my bed, I could see part of the creature in my bedroom. He was the most hideous thing I had ever seen.
Like the glowing figure in my dream, he was all one color. Instead of being a bright color, however, he was dark black. His hair was jet black and his skin was very grey. Something that looked more like a spider’s web instead of wings, sprouted from his back.
Also unlike the creature from my dream, I feared him.
The thing smiled at me as I fumbled to move to my feet. It seemed as if they just did not want to move.
“So you are what all the fuss is about.” The creature tsked me as if I had done something wrong.
“Who…who are you?” I stammered.
His smile grew. “Who I am is not what is important now, is it?”
I shook my head. “What do you want?” My voice was stronger, but still cracked with my fear.
“You are a nescience to the resistance. And nesciences must be terminated.”
My eyes widened and I gasped at the realization of why he was in my bedroom. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please, I’ve done nothing wrong.”
He took a step towards my bed. “Yet.”
He took another step and began to chuckle. He stopped almost instantly. There was a flash of light as his neck where a blade had been placed. Another head appeared beside the creatures.
“I should have known the queens would send a warren to protect her.” The blade tightened on his neck and he took in a quick breathe. “I wasn’t going to hurt her.” His voice was strained.
“You are here. That is reason enough to kill you right here and now.”
“But you won’t,” the creature said, certainty in his voice.
The boy behind the creature grabbed a fist full of raven black hair and pulled his head back. The skin on the creature began to burn under the knife. “Do not test me, Corrigan.”
“You’d kill me in front of the future queen? Not very smart on your part. You know the rules.”
“So don’t you.”
Before I even realized what was happening, Corrigan was dead on the floor, clear goop was slowly oozing from his neck. Standing in his place was Warren.
I gasped. “What the hell?”
“Wait,” he said, holding up his hands. “Let me explain.”
“Explain?” I said quietly. “You just killed some guy in my bedroom!”
Warren put away his knife. “He was going to hurt you, Fay. I couldn’t just let that happen.”
I looked back at the body. “What is that?” I asked, pointing at the clearing liquid.
“People like him do not bleed red. We don’t need blood to survive. We run off of nectar.”
“We?” I exclaimed. “You are like him?” I looked at the wings coming straight out of Corrigan’s bare back.
“It’s a long story. We do not have time for that now.” He turned towards my window and whistled. Within a heart beat, three boys were standing in my bedroom.
Then it hit me, not only did I have one boy in my bedroom at night, but four. I shook my head, that was not the time for those types of thoughts.
“Warren,” one of the boys said in a deep monotone. “You should have lightly hindered him. Killing a rogue such as this could start something with the resistance. Now is a critical time for the courts. We can not afford any mistakes.” The boy sounded more like an older man rather than the teenager he looked like.
“He was going to hurt her.” Warren sounded furious with the boy. “Just get out of here”
The boy put a hand on Warren’s shoulder. “Do not let your personal feelings block your judgment.”
“I know my duty!” Warren was struggling to keep his voice down. “Leave us.”
The boy nodded and signaled the other two boys to pick up the lifeless body. They hurled it out my window. I yelped as the body hit the ground with a small thud. All of the boys turned to me then, looking at me as if they had not known I was even in the room. I suddenly became self conscious about my bed hair.
The three boys bowed to me then each took their turn leaping from the window. My eyes widened and I rushed to the window. There was, however, no one in my yard.
Behind me, Warren cleared his throat.
*
My body began to shake. My breathing slowed. The darkness around me grew. I couldn’t swallow all that had happened within moments in my bedroom. Corrigan showing up out of no where, threatening me, and then dieing.
“Who was he?”
Warren had managed to clam me down. He started by sitting me down on my bed and just holding me, but he thought that if I lay down, I might fall asleep. He continued to hold me as I shook in his arms.
“He was a…fairy.”
My eyes closed. “Warren, please. Don’t joke with me.”
He held me tighter. “I wish I was.”
I deliberately took slow, deep breaths before speaking again. “And you said you are just like him?”
“In a way, yes. We are both fairies…just different kinds.”
I forced a laugh. “How many kinds are there?”
He hesitated for a long moment before saying, “there are four courts in Breena. The water fairies, the fire fairies, the earth fairies, and the air fairies. They are the most powerful. But of course there are rogue fairies like Corrigan who aren’t under any court and who roam the earth with very little powers. They can’t glamour themselves to look like humans. They can’t do lots of things that we can do.”
“Which court are you?”
He sighed. “I am an air fairy.”
“Oh,” I said, my disbelief showing in my voice.
“I know you don’t understand now, and it is a lot to take in, but you need to trust me. Can you do that?”
I turned around to look him in the eyes. “That guy, he said that I was a nescience. That I have to die. Is that true?”
Warren shook his head and smiled. “Definitely not.” He brought a hand up to my face and brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers. A trail of tingling sensations followed. “I will never let that happen.”
The image of the knife to Corrigan’s throat came back to me. “You killed….for me?”
He shrugged. “I was sent here by the queens to protect you.”
“Why?”
He paused. “We can talk about this later. You should sleep now.”
I nodded. “Promise?”
He smiled. “I promise to answer any questions you have for me.”
I closed my eyes again. “Thank you, Warren,” I whispered, already being consumed by sleep.
He said something back that sounded like ‘olive juice’ but I was too tired to ask him to repeat what he said.
"Only love heals. Anger, guilt, and fear can only destroy and separate you from your true capabilities."-Damen




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I like this story, I do.

But you're kind of confusing me. :smt102

Explain more in chapter 9? Yay! :smt005
"Tom: What happens if you fall in love?
Summer: Well, you don't believe that, do you?" -(500) Days of Summer
Spoiler
My name is Eduardian.

Spoiler
Not really, though.




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uhm. What?
Confusing you about what?
How am I to know what to 'explain' if you didn't tell me?
"Only love heals. Anger, guilt, and fear can only destroy and separate you from your true capabilities."-Damen




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jayleighsmith wrote:Also unlike the creature from my dream, I feared him.

The thing smiled at me as I fumbled to move to my feet. It seemed as if they just did not want to move.

“So you are what all the fuss is about.” The creature tsked me as if I had done something wrong.

“Who…who are you?” I stammered.

His smile grew. “Who I am is not what is important now, is it?”

I shook my head. “What do you want?” My voice was stronger, but still cracked with my fear.

“You are a nescience to the resistance. And nesciences must be terminated.”

My eyes widened and I gasped at the realization of why he was in my bedroom. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please, I’ve done nothing wrong.”

He took a step towards my bed. “Yet.”

He took another step and began to chuckle. He stopped almost instantly. There was a flash of light as his neck where a blade had been placed. Another head appeared beside the creatures.

“I should have known the queens would send a warren to protect her.” The blade tightened on his neck and he took in a quick breathe. “I wasn’t going to hurt her.” His voice was strained.

“You are here. That is reason enough to kill you right here and now.”

“But you won’t,” the creature said, certainty in his voice.

The boy behind the creature grabbed a fist full of raven black hair and pulled his head back. The skin on the creature began to burn under the knife. “Do not test me, Corrigan.”

“You’d kill me in front of the future queen? Not very smart on your part. You know the rules.”

“So don’t you.”

Before I even realized what was happening, Corrigan was dead on the floor, clear goop was slowly oozing from his neck. Standing in his place was Warren.

I gasped. “What the hell?”

“Wait,” he said, holding up his hands. “Let me explain.”

“Explain?” I said quietly. “You just killed some guy in my bedroom!”

Warren put away his knife. “He was going to hurt you, Fay. I couldn’t just let that happen.”

I looked back at the body. “What is that?” I asked, pointing at the clearing liquid.

“People like him do not bleed red. We don’t need blood to survive. We run off of nectar.”

“We?” I exclaimed. “You are like him?” I looked at the wings coming straight out of Corrigan’s bare back.

“It’s a long story. We do not have time for that now.” He turned towards my window and whistled. Within a heart beat, three boys were standing in my bedroom.

Then it hit me, not only did I have one boy in my bedroom at night, but four. I shook my head, that was not the time for those types of thoughts.

“Warren,” one of the boys said in a deep monotone. “You should have lightly hindered him. Killing a rogue such as this could start something with the resistance. Now is a critical time for the courts. We can not afford any mistakes.” The boy sounded more like an older man rather than the teenager he looked like.

“He was going to hurt her.” Warren sounded furious with the boy. “Just get out of here”

The boy put a hand on Warren’s shoulder. “Do not let your personal feelings block your judgment.”

“I know my duty!” Warren was struggling to keep his voice down. “Leave us.”


I kind of understand it, but not really.
I don't really understand the new characters that Warren was talking to.
Nor, do I understand the character "Corrigan".
I like the story, though.
"Tom: What happens if you fall in love?
Summer: Well, you don't believe that, do you?" -(500) Days of Summer
Spoiler
My name is Eduardian.

Spoiler
Not really, though.




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Well, you're supposed to think that Corrigan is the person from the dream that the fairy girl was talking about. He isn't going to say, "I was sent here to kill you," because, well, he wasn't. So any further explanation on that wouldn't make sense.
He is a rogue, like Warren said. Which means he won't like Fay and wants her dead to benefit himself.
Which is why he showed up in her bedroom, went to kill her, and her protecter (Warren) hindered him.

Are you still confused?
Because I'm confused on how you're confused. Could you try to help me out a bit more. I don't want my readers to be lost while reading, it will turn them away from my book.
Are you really confused, or just in suspence? Because, right away, I don't want my readers to know who the boys Warren were speaking to just yet. Explaining that would be taking on too much for her right then. Don't you think? I mean, yes all will be revealed in the chapters that follow. So, jamming it all into one chapter wouldn't make much sense, would it?
"Only love heals. Anger, guilt, and fear can only destroy and separate you from your true capabilities."-Damen




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Ohhhh!
I get it noww ^.^

I was mainly confused on this character Corrigan.

And yay! Chapter nine is out :D
"Tom: What happens if you fall in love?
Summer: Well, you don't believe that, do you?" -(500) Days of Summer
Spoiler
My name is Eduardian.

Spoiler
Not really, though.




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Whoo hoo it's posted!
Alright, Pink is here to do some reviewing.

Nitpicks

Her voice vibrates off the rocks around us. Her tone is strong and confident.

You can totally combine this: "Her strong and confident voice vibrates off the rocks around us..."
“I wasn’t going to hurt her.” His voice was strained.

Try combining this as well. Too many short sentences makes it 'choppy' to read.
“But you won’t,” the creature said, certainty in his voice.

I notice you use 'in his/her voice' a lot. You don't need to explain what his voice sounds like. Simply just say: "...the creature said with certainty." or "... the creature said certainly."

Then it hit me, not only did I have one boy in my bedroom at night, but four. I shook my head, that was not the time for those types of thoughts.

Bahaha, I would be thinking the same thing!

“Oh,” I said, my disbelief showing in my voice.

:lol: again with the 'voice' thing. I think this is just how you write.
He said something back that sounded like ‘olive juice’ but I was too tired to ask him to repeat what he said.

Argh! I want to know what he actually says!

Overall

I thought this was such a funny and intense chapter. I mean, it was just amazing, good job! There isn't much I can say to improve this, just work on combing your sentences and try varying that 'in his/her/my voice' thing. Other than that, it was really good!
Going on to chapter nine now!
See yah!

~Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham




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Hi again, it's been busy for me tonight, reading your chapters :D

I couldn’t swallow all that had happened within moments in my bedroom. Corrigan showing up out of no where, threatening me, and then dieing.

Dying, isn't it? I may be wrong, it isn't the first time I've seen it spelt like that. I'm from Canada and I've noticed that certain words aren't spelt the same everywhere else (like grey and gray) but isn't dying the only spelling for it?

Warren had managed to clam me down.
Calm me ?

and just holding me, but he thought that if I lay down

Slightly confused here, how could she know what he was thinking? She was guessing or he told her?

He shrugged. “I was sent here by the queens to protect you.”
If what the other boy was saying about 'letting Warren's feelings get in that way', and I am assuming his feelings are for Fay, shouldn't he 'hesitate' then answer, instead of shrugging? I might be mistaken about where you're going with the story though. If yes, disregard this comment :D

He paused. “We can talk about this later. You should sleep now.”
I nodded. “Promise?”
He smiled. “I promise to answer any questions you have for me.”
I closed my eyes again. “Thank you, Warren,” I whispered, already being consumed by sleep.
He said something back that sounded like ‘olive juice’ but I was too tired to ask him to repeat what he said.

Ok, my thoughts about this: He tells her to sleep and she does. Did he 'make' her sleep? Does he have the power to do that? Because it that was me, after having a rogue fairy in my room and then finding out the guy I'm crushing on was sent to protect me, sleep would be very LAST thing on my mind. Did he compel her to sleep?

Those were my nitpicks, I hope they were helpful.
I've said it before, I'll say it again: I love this story!!

Tanya




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Eeheeheeheeheehee! Oh my god, I love this! See, when I first started reading Breena I was all like "I wonder what they are. Vampires? Demons?....Things?" But then they're fairies! Omhmygodohmygodohmygod! It was brilliant! Al;though, you probably could have hinted a bit more about Warren, or a bit less about Foster, because I knew Foster was something besides human, but I didn't know about Warren until this last chapter and the end of chapter seven...Does that make sense?

Anyway, I really, really love this and can't wait for the next one! bravo!

~Nutty
Is he dancing with a little boy in spandex?!

~Papa Doorbell



I have lived through much, and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good... then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor - such is my idea of happiness.
— Leo Tolstoy