Okay, so I sat. Its 10:15 on Saturday, my hair is wet because just got out of the pool, my room smells like the best thing in the world, my pillows are to high behind my neck, and my toes on my left foot are curled like they seem to always do. My head is slightly aching, I guess its from stress. There is an uneasy feeling in my stomach, and a slight anger, or maybe its, whats that word, like you are happy and eager, that is EAGER! And anxiousness.
So now I decide if I should put my life into a list, to try to make it make sense right now, but that would take more space, and I am all for tree saving, or hugging, or what ever its called. Okay so I would like to murder all these thoughts, I would like to not use the word okay, I would like to murder the people who take it to them selves to say okay the way I say it, every time I say okay, I would like mom to start agreeing with me, and I would like her to just get a single peep into everything I think~ talking about that, you get a peep into my life right now~
Text from Luca:
I got a few condoms nd I did a tiny bit of drinkin and smokin but not tht much last night
Reply from me:
Look, dont hate, be mad, just dont hate, I dont think we shud do anythign that we need to use a condom for.. and thnx 4 not smokin and drinkin much x
Luca- Ok I understand but wat am I gonna do wit dem?
Channon- keep them, I might change my mind.... *
Luca- ok but wat happens if ma parents find dem wat shud I do? **
Channon- shite I dunno, hide them... well, didnt pontus' mom find sum in his bag? Wat happened wit him?
* I am stuck on being a slut, but its true, once mom shuts up and lets me enjoy something I might change my mind...
** do you think he is saying something else there? Is he mad?
I swear the power of writing is incredible, but I have homework stress, and this will sound ridiculous but I have no clue what i am going to wear tonight, I have to keep mom happy, but I also have to look okay, and I have to, how do I put this nicely... be suitably dressed for luca..
Luca- Ye but dats pontus' parents, theyre so much stricter! Ill hide them well anyway...
Channon- Im sorry... ***
*** for making you mad, for changing my mind, for being all talk, for making you think twice
and on top of all this, is the girl, in the sunset, under the cherry tree, I love her so much, and she hurts me so much. I cry for her, rather than me. I wish I could burn the tears, tears of fire instead of that annoying salty stuff, it sounds less sappy, and more dramatic and cool. The sunsets... Time doesnt stop, it rolls on and on and on... have you ever heard how time and sunshine smell ...?
Luca- no dnt b sry its not ur fault its mine im supposed 2 b sry coz I was bein to hasty
Channon- its none of our faults... sorry I missed ur calls btw, I was playign rise of nations wit my dad... love u
anyway, back to the smell of sunshine and time.
Time smells like books, and dust and new shoes
time smells like babies and old people and wood
time smells like new house, and velvet and glue
time smells like leather and cotton and clean cloths
time smells like grass and paper and skin
Time smells like snow and the sea and sunshine
I can take one talk by my mom, about getting a bad reputation and blah blah blah, but after the 5th one in 2 weeks, I feel like I am going to break, I mean, cant she trust me?
Anyway, just a short peek into the thing I am thinking at that very minute.
