The Best Thing In This World

THE BEST THING IN THIS WORLD

Melvin D. Banggollay



As an artist, I wanted to paint the best thing

That everyone treasured so much to see

Like the sunrise with all its beauty shining

But as I was about to finish, I came to see

the sunset in its grandeur was the best thing

so I had to erase and start a new one again;

but when the solemn night fells, It blinked

this was the best to paint with all its mystery

until I am tired, confused what was the best to see.



So I had to embark in a long days journey

To find out from people the best thing they had seen;

On my way I met a newly wed couple so happy

And I asked , what’s the best thing could be.

With joyful smile, they said, Love, as you can see

For it binded us together into a perfect harmony

But then I don’t know how to paint that love they'd see

So I had to continue my travel seeking the mystery.



When I took a rest being truly tired and weary

From walking and running alone asking anybody

"What’s the best thing in this world could be"? ,

I met a soldier fresh from a combat spree

And answered me right, PEACE for tranquility

Of your mind, soul and even your own body

Even you’ll ask other soldiers tired like me

from all the wars and violence against humanity.

But then again I don’t now how to paint perfectly

The peace he said to me out of his tranquility.

So I had to walk again until I met on my way

A group of athletes who just won in a game recently

That they all participated with all joy and glee

And they all said, COOPERATION as you see

Without it ,no teamwork to put us to victory

But so sad, I can’t paint what they said to me.



Being so tired, I decided to go home sadly

But as soon as I was about to enter my territory,

I met a priest who said “ you look so sad and weary

What bothered you so much,, share it to me

So I said to him my heart’s desire to see

Then he smiled and said without hesitancy

Son, that is so simple, FAITH is the answer

For with it, any burden will be out forever

As the Lord will forgive you and make life happier

With the grace and mercy of the Holy Father

But then again, I don’t know how faith looks

So how could I paint that in my big book.

When I was near our home, I behold my kids

Running towards me with faith in their eyes

As they embraced me with their warm kisses;

Deep inside I begun to unveil the emptiness

As I begun to realized the answer to my quest.

Then my wife came and embrace me so sweet

And I feel the love she had for me in her breast.

When I was resting, my kids did their best

To clean and do the chores with all ease

As they helped their mother clean all the mess

Which reminded me of the athletes guest..

As I behold my family, helping each other

With sweet smiles and joy in their laughter’s

I felt great tranquility deep in my heart

Until I felt asleep upon my wife embrace

Ahh there was no other best thing on to paint

If not my own happy family always there for me.

so I had to erase and start a new one again;

a more poetic version would be "So i had to erase and start anew" but it's just me

but when the solemn night fells, It blinked

"fell"

until I am tired, confused what was the best to see.

connect your sentences. "until i am tired, confused at what was the best to see."

So I had to embark in a long days journey

not "in" but "on"

And I asked , what’s the best thing could be.

remove "'s"

For it binded us together into a perfect harmony

past tense for binded is "bound". if you tried to imply that it was the couple who spoke, put quotations and indicate that it was them who said it like this:

"For it bound us together into a perfect harmony" they said.

But then I don’t know how to paint that love they'd see

better grammar if done like:

but then I wouldn't know how to paint the they see

remove "'d". They'd = They would. if you're trying to use "don't" then remove "then". Then is used for future tenses. it should turn out like this [but I don't know how to paint the love they see[/b]

"What’s the best thing in this world could be"? ,

I'm not correcting this because it seems that you wrote this on purpose. but the proper way of saying it is "What could be the best thing in this world?"

Of your mind, soul and even your own body

Even you’ll ask other soldiers tired like me

from all the wars and violence against humanity.

please indicate that the soldier is the one talking. put quotations.

But then again I don’t now how to paint perfectly

but again I don't know how to paint perfectly

A group of athletes who just won in a game recently

this little sentence ruined your rhythm. one little thing can destroy the whole poem. Fits better if done like so:

A group of athletes who won a game recently

putting "just" and "recently" together is redundant.

But so sad, I can’t paint what they said to me.

best line i've seen here.

Deep inside I begun to unveil the emptiness

and

As I begun to realized the answer to my quest.

"began". Begun is used only if it is in progressive form. you used it in past tense.

Then my wife came and embrace me so sweet

"embraced"

And I feel the love she had for me in her breast.

"felt". if you insist on using "feel", then use "has" instead of "had". work on your tenses.

With sweet smiles and joy in their laughter’s

"laughters" laughter's = possessive. Plural of laughter is laughters. Just add s

Until I felt asleep upon my wife embrace

"wife's"

Okay so here's my verdict:
1. You NEED to work on your grammar and language fluency.
2. Work on your tenses. Decide if it's in past, present, or in future tense. "did, do, will do".
3. Work on your apostrophes and possessive nouns. Loves is not Love's
4. Use words according to their proper usage. You have the dictionary, the thesaurus, and even the internet to help you with that.
5. Try separating your stanzas with each new topic. Some stanzas are too long because they talk about multiple topics already. For example, you could've separated the soldier and the athletes.

OVERALL: This is a really nice work. But if you somehow polish your English proficiency, this will be a lot better.

It takes skill to tell such a long story and still hold the readers attention.This one was interesting right till the end.

The flow seems a little out of place and perhaps the last few lines could be worked out, but thats all there is to it.

Keep up the good work.