I lie here alone without hope to look forward to tomorrow, without light to guide me out of the darkness I find myself lost in. It's a morning unlike any other. I wake up in my bed and I am reminded again that I no longer share this bed with anyone. She’s gone now and I can only feel remorse for what I could’ve done and hatred towards myself for not doing them. As much as I wanted to feel happy for her that day, I just could not bring myself to erase the thoughts of how she’ll be going away from me forever. No longer will we see each other, smell each other’s scent, feel each other’s touch, those days are gone for good. It was inevitable, as I begin to play the memories we found for each other, memories that I’d gladly keep and throw away everything else for. Of all the memories that struck me like a lightning bolt strikes a tree, it was just a few days ago that I know I will continue to replay over and over and over again ’til I die: The exchange of words we had a few days before Karen’s wedding, the final words we said, rather, bid to each other before we went on our separate ways. Actually, it was Karen who went on her way, and I still can’t find myself to move an inch from the very spot where we both stopped being “us” and started being “You and Me”. It was this that would forever ring in my ears:
“Do you have any idea what it feels like to be in love with someone who’s about to get married?! You have no idea of how hard it is for me to contain this, this, emotion I’m feeling right here, right now, with you, and no one else!” I begged for Karen to take me, to stay with me, to love me.
“I have no idea? You’re telling me that I have no idea of how hard it is for you? Well let me ask you this: Do you know how hard it is for me to marry and be in love with someone else? Do you have any idea at all how I feel about the fact that just right after my wedding, I’ll begin to think, every single day and moment of my remaining life, that I married someone I never truly loved?! You have no idea how easy it is for you because you’re free! Free to fall in love again, free to love someone else, free to be happy once more! Unlike me, who’ll be stuck in the same situation everyday for the rest of my life, forcing myself to love someone that I think is second best.” She impaled my heart with her words. Not only was her voice deafening, but the words she uttered made me want to just cut my ears off and just fall deaf to everything else.
We fell silent for a moment. It was as if time stopped for us and we were just there, staring into each other’s eyes, I saw her tears flow down to her cheeks. I finally realized what would become of us and how everything we both had were just our own fantasies. What I failed to realize was how I also began to cry and I cried like I have never cried before. It had been long since I poured my own tears but it couldn't have come at a better and proper moment than that.
“Don’t you dare say that this is easy for me” I muttered with anger and sadness. “It will never be easy for me. I will always be in love with you and I will always dream of you. Karen, you gave meaning to my life! Do you realize how important you are to me? Imagine the very reason for my being be taken away from me in an instant like that! After you, nothing will be left of me. I’ll forever regret what is happening now. The fact that I could not even dent the decision in which you decided for the both of us, the fact that you will leave me here alone with memories of ‘us’ keeping me alive only to realize in the end that there was no ‘us’ to begin with, that you just made me have the illusion of love and being loved.” I pause, wipe my tears off, turn my back on her, and turned my face towards my right shoulder and finally say my last words to her. ” I love you.” And I walked away from her finally.
Now I lie here in bed, in what used to be our apartment. I close my eyes and try to sleep, to try and dream of the days where we were both happy, uncaring for what the world might do to us, what it might do to hinder us.
Karen
“Oh Alex…” I realize that these are the first words I muttered this morning as I awoke from my slumber. I no longer bear with me a smile every morning unlike back then. As I look to my right, I see before me the man I married, the man I have to love. It was still so fresh to me, as if everything just happened yesterday. Alex and I, it was fate that decided to join us, and it was also fate that decided to separate us. I’ve always wondered why did fate play a cruel joke on us ever since I found out that I’ll be marrying someone else, that I will belong no longer to Alex. It was all so fast that I feel as if time has slipped from my palms that I couldn’t keep up, I couldn’t bear in mind the fact that we were never meant to be. Time did not allow me to get used to this feeling yet.
Now I find myself struggling to catch up on what has happened in my life. As the rest of the world moves on, I’m stuck in the past, still cannot accept what God has decided for me. My eyes view the ceiling of my new home as a canvas to which I paint my memories with Alex every morning, every night; as I wake up and as I fall asleep. I want to forget him but I also want to dream of him, always. I am confronted with a dilemma every moment, a dilemma in which I hurt no less than the day we both bid our last words to each other.
It was very violent, our conversation. We both had our fair exchange of emotional anger and depression, how we both explained how sad we would be on what happens after that day, and how we would still feel love for each other no matter what.
In his last words, he turned towards me and said “I love you” to which he followed an abrupt exit. As he walked away, I whispered to the wind, in the hopes that it would reach the ears of his heart “I love you too” and I broke down, kneeling on the ground.
Now I lay here in bed longing for his breath, his touch, his eyes, but most of all, his love. I’d give anything to relive the past once more, I’d do anything to be with him again.
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Thank you for giving me your precious time. Below is what I want to be a prologue to my story. Being the amateur that I am, I'm not sure if the way this is written is reader-worthy. If you have the time, please read and criticize accordingly, tell me about errors no matter how little, and (if you may) suggest a way to fix the errors
Thanks for reading!
oh, before I forget:
Some said the prologue looks complete. So before you say anything, here's my explanation:
"Well anyway, I'm trying to write a novel wherein about 70% of it would be about how they (the man and the woman) remember being with each other when they see things that would remind them of it. Then the remaining 30% would be when fate makes them meet one last time just to sort things out and just let them say their piece. I'm not sure about the ending yet, it totally depends on my mood."
Copied verbatim from a local forum.
EDIT: oh, so this board has an automatic indention thingy
EDIT 2: edited with aqua's suggestions.
