This is really good. I don't know what kind of song this would be, as in genre, what are you planning, but good luck with it. I think if this was a real song though, I'd add it to my play list and iPod.
I think this is the only nitpick I found, I think I would have to go over it.
I try to breath, t need to breathe
"t?" Uh...is there supposed to be a the? Or..what? Plus all that stuff about breath and breath Hawkie already explained.
Hi, I write songs too. Your song is interesting and I liked it. It made me think of how the music would sound accompanied by the lyrics. Anyway, I say that you should keep writing and inspire yourself. The topic doesn't matter, just write about how you feel.
I can't say something that has not been mentioned before. The "Breath on" looked like a typo, it should be Breathe however. Um what else... I'd like to hear music to this. It sounds like it could be good. I don't understand what parts are which, but overall it's still a good thing.
All I can hear; "I me mine, I me mine, I me mine". Even those tears; "I me mine, I me mine, I me mine". No one's frightened of playing it. Everyone's saying it. Flowing more freely than wine. All through your life; "I me mine".
