Hmm. I never would have thought of them as three separate poems. They are so closely related, so closely entwined, it makes better sense to keep it as one long poem. Keep it just as it is; the Spanish words "one, two, three" designating the different poems as different movements or parts.
I love it when you just write what you feel. Rather than think about what you want to say, I actually prefer to just write as I think. Does that make sense? Well, if it doesn't, forget that, and just know that I love this style, your style, and your poem. (And although it may have been in your thoughts, I didn't like the f-word too much.)
"Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery." Timothy 4:14 KJV
However as I went through it all the closeness of the lines contributed to the emotion coming through it all, the kind of subtle empathy stirring just beneath it all.
Some lines could use some re-phrasing.
Overall the content of the two poems was close in theme but had numerous diversions from the main point just to come back and illustrate the same thing a few lines later.
keep it up.
A story's not a story till you've made it up you see.
Look Mexico.
At first I want to say that the reason you haven't received more reviews is most likely the tiny font that few people will want to read. I actually copied and pasted the poems in the reply box to read. So, in future I suggest you post your work with normal font.
Okay, so in general I find it somewhat difficult to review these poems, because there isn't very much for me to say about them. Unfortunately, this time it's not because I'm speechless in awe, but because they were quite plain and basic. Sure, they deal with things that most people can relate to, but so do half of the poems in the world. Uniqueness is essential when writing poetry, and while it doesn't belong to everyone's style to use breathtaking imagery, you still shouldn't leave your readers with basically nothing at all. People don't want to read same things over and over again, so maybe you could try thinking about yourself as the reader of your poems, instead of the writer. What would you like to read? What makes you go wow?
The second one doesn't make much sense, with all the funny word orders and stuffing words – it's quite hard to read and like. For example, this bit:
I say muy flirty things; And all of this so often I do, & I don't even care to whom.
It just makes me want to go why? I'm sorry, this may sound a bit harsh, but unless you have the poems planned out and read and reread and polished and thought about, it's no use posting them. You'll save a lot of work from many people if you only post works that you think are as close to being finished as possible. Like you said, these are basically just words thrown onto paper. The words are there, but the motive is missing. To me it seems like you're not in this with your whole heart, and it makes me a bit sad/frustrated.
You should probably try and practice with free verse poetry, to express your thoughts and emotions thoroughly. Rhyming poetry limits so much, and I hate it when I can't say something because it would ruin the rhyme.
And please don't replace "ands" with "&s". Just don't.
I'm sorry for being such a spoilsport, really, but it's how I felt. Out of the three, my favourite would be the third one, because it's the only one with what you went for some imagery. All of these need work, though, so just keep working on them, practicing and reading poetry. It gets easier by the time. =)
PM me with any questions!
Demeter x
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit
"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style
That was very, very creative! I loved it. I loved how in the first poem where you said The status feels wrong..its one of those lines that I think a lot of girls would undserstand. Well, I do anyways. Anyways if you ever need a review I am happy to help. Good job and keep up the amazing work!
Thank you guys some of your reviews made me smile(: I'll work on other things, and as for the font i fixed that. examples are always nice, thank you again!
