Those Little Glass Slippers (1)

Sela Locke · 2009-02-01T19:50:35Z

I started this on a whim after watching the Disney version of 'Cinderella' again. I certainly appreciate any and all reviews, although I don't need nitpicks so much as advice. Do tell me what you think, won't you? - If the hall had ever been quiet before, it would have been thrice eclipsed by the silence that now seized us – all of us, down to the last hopeful woman. I knew that in this moment, I had the most to lose, and losing it I most certainly was. She walked down the spotless marble steps, her silk train flowing out behind her like fresh milk. The absolute perfection of this stranger’s white gown almost made me sick, and I hadn’t even looked up to see what her face looked like yet. Not that I needed to. The prince’s – my prince’s – expression told me that, by some horrible twist or twirl of fate, the woman’s face was somehow even more beautiful, even more perfect than her dress could ever manage to be. His pale green eyes, those eyes I knew so well, were staring at the newcomer, and only the gracefulness of his royal upbringing kept the poor man’s mouth from hanging open. My heart wasn’t breaking, it was furious . Furious he could leave me so easily for a girl he’d never spoken to before in his life, furious that in one attracted moment, he could forget all about the woman he’d, more or less, pledged to marry. I wanted to run forward, pull him back as he advanced toward the beautiful stranger, but I was only just too proud for that. “May I have this dance?” he asked her, so softly that I was surprised I heard. The minstrels seemed to remember what they were there for, and started up a waltz. I watched the prince and his new dance partner, and I knew at that moment exactly where my future was going. It was being crushed beneath those delicate little glass slippers she wore, flashing out from under her paper-white skirts every time she twirled elegantly around my prince. Gentlemen began to lead ladies into the waltz, and I knew that soon, some stiff young nobleman would come and ask for a dance. I would have to pretend not to mind for the rest of the night that the only man I could ever love was holding another, better woman in his arms, and I knew without hesitation that I would be unable to play the part. I slipped through a half-open door, left so to let in the air, it seemed, and rushed out onto the balcony. Don’t cry , I ordered myself frantically, whatever you do, don’t cry! But the tears spilt over, pouring down my face unashamed. Father would whip me, and Mother would turn the other way, thoroughly embarrassed, if they could see their daughter now. I bit my lip, hoping the pain would distract me, and knowing that it wouldn’t. My heart wasn’t breaking... there was just a rather sizable part tearing away and throwing itself off the balcony. I leant over the rail, looking down at the forest below, and let the cold night air calm me. The worst that could happen was the prince would marry the mystery woman, and forget all about me. I’d be married off to a fat old man with plenty of money and that would be the end of my parent’s troubles. Nothing to it, Mariadelle, nothing to it, I thought bitterly. I’d get to watch the children of the prince grow up and break hearts of their own, hear the gossip of what the new queen said to her king, and haul around the spawn of my own detestable husband. Wasn’t that what I’d been raised to become, the wife of an ugly old man? Yes, and I could play the part, I knew I could. “My head aches,” I told the world, staring at my slipper-shod feet. It wasn’t the time to speak to myself, like I often did for comfort, but at the moment, I felt little for rules of etiquette. “I’m losing my prince and all I can think about is my sticky-tears face and my aching head. What’s the point in caring about a war when you’re only a forgotten pawn, a dispensable luxury?” The moon shone down, and the quiet began slowly to strangle me. “Not that I mind,” I continued quickly, so as to discourage it. “I don’t mind at all, actually. I’m not often selfish like this, you know. My parents love to tell all their friends how boundlessly sweet and helpful I am. But one does not often want to show one’s best side when one’s world has just decided to destroy itself.” Another sob built up in my throat, and I had no more words to speak – so I let it tumble out, like an overexcited boy at the end of his lessons. I had to stop, to go back inside and face the despicable night without protest. It was the lady’s way, to take whatever she’d been given and make use of it. Now it was my turn to do so, and I at once felt sympathy for the others who’d had to do so before me. “On a beautiful night like this, Miss, what is such a pretty young lady as you got to be so sorrowful about?” I swallowed my surprise, hoping that my face didn’t look so wet and red as it felt. It took a moment to force uninterested dignity onto my face, but I finally managed to turn and face the unexpected, and unwanted visitor. “Your Majesty!” I breathed, curtsying quickly as I realized who the man before me was. “I – I…” “If it’s any help to your loss of articulation, you could answer my question,” he said, smiling kindly. The expression on his face made me suppress a shudder, for it reminded me of the prince, inside and waltzing with his newfound lover. “Oh, I… was merely out to take some air. I’m doubly sorry if I offended by disappearing, Your Majesty.” I looked again at my feet, blushing and knowing that if he were angry, I wasn’t cooling his temper. “Doubly? Why doubly?” “To you and… and – to your son.” At last, the mention of the prince broke me, and I half-collapsed onto the rail of the balcony, sobbing as my heart continued its merciless tearing. To my surprise, the king didn’t growl in outrage at my horrible lapse in control, nor did he exit quickly. He stood, silent, waiting for me to regain composure, and when I finally did, he spoke. “So it was His Highness that upset you. How, my dear?” His voice was still kind, but grave, and I knew I’d have to say something before he marched back inside and tried to wring the secret out of his son. “N-no, it wasn’t h-his f-fault, Your Majesty,” I whispered tremulously, and the serious set of his round face made me sure I’d have to speak much, and fast. “It is merely the ache of my heart that… upsets me, as you so graciously put it. The prince did nothing but choose a bride, and here I am, crying over naught! Please, go back in and enjoy the ball, and leave me to my tears.” Ordering the king, even if it were more of a request, was the most idiotic thing I’d ever done, but I was too grief-stricken to be subtle about it. A warm hand clasped my thin shoulder, and I found myself staring into his vivid green eyes. If only it had been a swellheaded, foppish nobleman who’d found me out here! At least he wouldn’t have so closely resembled my prince… now, it seemed, her prince. “You are the girl, then, that he’s been raving on about for so long? The one with ‘cocoa’ hair and ‘porcelain’ skin, and the ocean in her eyes?” he murmured, searching my face for an answer I wouldn’t willingly give. “Yes, I can see it, though you’d not wish me to. How many times I found him, staring wistfully out the window and towards your father’s manor! He was quite in love with you, Miss Tadstreet.” If it had been anyone but the king himself, I would have pointed out the ‘was,’ the past tense he used to describe the prince’s love. “But now he has found another, Your Majesty, and I certainly hope they are happy together.” I wrenched away from his comforting hand and fled the balcony, back into the gaudy lights and clothes of my fellow women. - It mayn't be the best start, but I promise it'll get better! Please tell me eksaktikully what you think! Er, 'exactly,' that is.

HopelesslyandIrrevocably

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Sun Feb 22, 2009 4:55 pm

HopelesslyandIrrevocably says... · Sun Feb 22, 2009 4:55 pm

I believe that all i wanted to say to help was said already. i would just like you to know that this is the most amazing fantasy writing, or even just writing that i have seen so far. and you are only 13??? AMAZING! FABULOUS! ENCHANTING! I simply CANNOT wait for the next chapter. this is beautiful!

fantastic job!

Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die."
- Pirates of the Caribbean 3, At Worlds End

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sparrowrules

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Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:50 am

sparrowrules says... · Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:50 am

Wow! That was incredible! I felt like crying during some part of it! This is an AMAZING start. It was very... refreshing. Your grammar and spelling was very good. I really enjoy reading different angles of classic fairytales. I look forward to reading the rest of this. It was... wow... just WOW!

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alileah.

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Sun May 31, 2009 4:31 pm

alileah. says... · Sun May 31, 2009 4:31 pm

This is an incredible, amazing piece of work. I love that you wrote it from someone other than the stepsisters', step-mother's points of view.
The wording and imagery of the story was great, and the grammar was perfect besides a few tiny mistakes here and there.

Over all, it was great.

-alileah.(:

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Pink Horse

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Mon Jun 01, 2009 2:36 am

Pink Horse says... · Mon Jun 01, 2009 2:36 am

This is one of those stories that turns the classic fairytale on its head

. Normally I find it hard to not cheer for the original heroine. However, I can easily do that for your Mariadelle. I love the idea that you made the 'love' between Mariadelle and the prince mutual. Makes it even a harder blow for her and gives us as readers a good reason to want her to be with the prince. I just hope that if she does in the end that Cinderella also ends up with someone. Purely because it would make me very happy

. Lovely story keep up the great work. ~Laura

If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know
some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead. ~ The vampire Angelus

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EllyMelly

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Fri Jun 05, 2009 5:39 pm

EllyMelly says... · Fri Jun 05, 2009 5:39 pm

Good Morning, Sela!

Wow, this was what I was actually looking for all morning. (your story, I mean.) Glass Slippers was a very delightful read. It's so sweet. I really want to read more.

But, I have one question, though. What year is this? Modern or the past?

You know, I laughed when she was speaking to herself. I'm sure everyone has those moments. I know I do. For one little mere moment, I thought the king was going to fall for Mariadelle. But, that can't happen can it? Oh, and I really want to know who's that mysterious woman is! I can't wait!

I was never really a Cinderella fan (my younger sister is), but I'm sure this novel of yours will get me into the spirits of the Disney classics. I was more of a Sleeping Beauty fan.

Anyway, Sela. I must go and read Chapter Two. Bye Bye! Oh, and a spectacular read, I must say.

Melly

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TeenQueen

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Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:53 am

TeenQueen says... · Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:53 am

Wow! This was beautiful.

Seriously. Never have I ever loved a piece of work as much as I loved this. Honestly, I am at a loss of words. This was pretty amazing!! Umm...I really don' have a lot to actually review.
Most of it seems perfect. It has got a great flow and it definitely didn't lose my attention, not even at a single point. When I read it first, I was wondering if you're telling the story from Cinderella or the prince's POV, but it actually surprised me. It was a total outsider, who had never been shown in the story before, and trust me, it's a splendid idea! Makes 'prince Charming' look like a total jerk, and Cinderella a man stealer. lol.

I envy you for coming up with such an awesome chapter. I am totally going to read the rest of your chapters.You've probably had a thousand other comments saying it's great, but I just had to tell you how much I loved it!

"No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader." ~ Robert Frost

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GryphonFledgling

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Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:59 am

GryphonFledgling says... · Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:59 am

Probably just repeating what everyone else has said (being a newcomer and all to the story), but I had to just say some stuff.

1) I love, love, love how you didn't go with the classic "evil stepmother/sisters" POV for a retelling. Seriously, you have already earned major kudos with me for that. In fanfiction, this would be an "original character" you are writing about, but I'm perfectly willing to put up with it. You have originality on your side, baby!

2) The emotions were real in this piece, but they seemed to come rather quickly. I'm willing to read more and have them further explained (after all, this is the beginning of the story and we're sort of jumping in head first), but the emotions will need to be founded after a while.

3) Playing off the last two points, I love how someone noticed the "falling in love at first sight" thing. I mean, it's like no one else thinks this is weird. Except for his ex. Very lovely.

Nice. Very nice. I read on...

~GryphonFledgling

I am reminded of the babe by you.

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navi2live

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Sun Oct 18, 2009 10:10 pm

navi2live says... · Sun Oct 18, 2009 10:10 pm

I agree with the fist comment. It is refreshing to see a Cinderella story that is not overdone. However, I have read all 14chs. and I think something is missing. I like what you have done and I wish I could know what that 'something' is because your story is really good, and maybe I was paying to much attention to the plot than to your writing to figure it out, but while I was reading I was frequently confused.I am hoping that by rereading all the chapters it will help me understand and realize what that 'something' is.

hope you don't give up on this story. I think it could be published.

P.S, I think you should subtly establish the time period, and slow things down a bit. I don't think that starting the story with the ball and her losing her life to Cinderella was a good idea.
I would have liked to know what kind of relationship Mariadelle and the Prince had before he left her, it would help me sympathize with her more. And i feel like starting the story with the turning point of her life also helps in making the story feel rushed.

I know that it is boring writing those before parts but I think it helps the reader realize how much her life is changing and it also establishes character, I don't know what kind of man the prince is, I don't know what she loves about him. Establishing this would also help the reader compare the prince with Prince Charming. And they must be different or are they not?

I am very interested in your story and I hope that it can get better because it is almost perfect, in my opinion.

"the strongest weapon is the human soul on, fire" --Foch.

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