OK so i updated my fist chapter thanks to the help of my comment. and im posting chapter 2 and 3 in a different thread
CHAPTER 1(ANDREW)
Andrew, as you may already know, was Emily’s boyfriend.
He was someone that I did not particularly like. Despite my thoughts, it did not change the fact that girls adored him. He was the perfect guy. The complete opposite of me. He played baseball, had a nice smile and had one of the best bodies in the school. I didn’t play any sports, I am that guy who is little different from everyone else, and I was one of many that was hidden by Andrew shadow. He always wore the best clothing and had the nicest shoes. He was the stereotypical jock. I’ve disliked Andrew since we were in fourth grader. We became acquainted on the school playground, when I ran across the bridge straight into him, hitting him head on. I fell right onto my butt and so did he. I got up ready to apologize, but met Andrew face to face. “You stay out of my way”, he said, giving me a shove as he pushed past me. I learned my lesson that day. That, however, could not stop me from witnessing the parade of adoring fans he calls friends.
Unfortunately, a few months ago, my problems with Andrew started all over again when my best friend Emily started dating him. This was nothing like running into him on the playground either. This involved Emily. Too shy to admit my love to her I had too, now watch the girl I love, date the man I hate. Asking myself why I was doing this I came up with only one answer, Emily. I had gone through so much before casing after her and I wasn’t willing to give up just yet. Unfortunately, neither was Andrew. And for all I knew, this could be just like last time we were together; a battle between Andrew and I. A replay of the football game.
Pulling into the parking lot, I immediately found a spot in the back. I wiped out my phone and dialed Emily’s number. While the phone rang I looked around the car and waited. I had tossed my book bag, papers, clothing and the occasional food wrapper on the floor. The car was a mess.
“Hello”, Emily said
“I’m here”, I said.
“Great, meet me in the usual spot” she answered, laughing as she hung up the phone.
I smiled to myself, there was not usual spot.
Emily wanted me to find her. I had made up a game like hide and seek to play in the mall when we were in middle school; and we had played it ever since. She roamed the mall until I found her, or that’s how it was suppose to be. I was never any good at hide and seek nor the game I had made. The game more went along the lines of, Emily hides until she gets bored and looking for me. All I usually do is walk around the mall, looking lost, as I try to find her.
“This is going to take a while”, I muttered under my breath. Getting out of the car I walked up to the building and placed my hand on the door handle.
Closing my eyes, I opened the mall doors and stepped into the air conditioned building.
if you dont already know chapter 2 is now posted as my book, chapter 2 "to scared to say it"
I had gone halfway through this...then I walked away for a second...came back, it was gone. UGH! okay...here we go...again.
Two issues here. 1. Why would he do such a thing? If Andrew doesn't even like him...why would he be going to the mall to hang out? 2. Your tenses are alllll messed up. You are writing in past. Please keep it that way. Now. Love. Here. Those three words need to be change to: Then. Loved. There. Kay?
