Australia

Your words,
strawberry-foamed woven gold
sugar-coated damp promises,
gently align
in the empty spaces of oblivion,
lovingly entwine
with the cloudy texture of my prayers
on your heavy silver letters.

Your images,
sparkle-covered bubbly waves
sunshine-bathed crooked smiles,
silently mock
my perception of distance,
gently block
my coy attempts to trust
on shiny hard photographs.

Your deeds,
honour-wrapped smart moves
ever-correct firm steps,
slowly increase
the cracks in our connection,
gently tease
the loss of common ground
in jokingly told anectodes.

Layers of you.
Why can't they all
belong to me?



P.S. I just noticed now that the title 'Australia' might be a bit misleading. This poem is written for or rather about my boyfriend who is currently in Australia, just so you know who the poem addresses (:
Thanks for reading!

I liked this very much. It was a little too wordy though. I seemed to get lost on what it was saying. Also, i had a hard time figuring out how the title made sense. Good Job

Hi SleepyJackie! I'm Conrad Rice, and I'm going to give you a quick little review today.

Usually, purple prose, even in poetry, is something that I caution people to stay away from. However, here, I think you are able to dance the line between 'beautifully descriptive' and 'far too wordy' rather well, never once venturing on the wrong side. I give you props on that.

You have a very solid poem here. I like how you deal with the themes of separation and longing without becoming too angsty. It reminds me a lot of the older, more romantic poets, and is a breath of fresh air amidst many of the poems currently being written about this same subject.

So, all in all, nothing negative to say about this really. Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

Hi there! Kamas here for another quick review before I run off to bed.

As Conrad said, your poem was right on the line of what I like to call "Purple Prose" and "Beautiful Imagery".

The description gives me a nice,detailed view of what you want me too see. But it is only what you want me to see. Beautiful imagery gives the reader just enough room to imagine because everyone's perception of beautiful is different, but at the same time restrains the reader with invisible barriers so they do not stray too far away from what you want them to see. (If this makes any sense yay!)

I do have to say though, that your wording is lovely. You had an interesting word choice that really worked in your favour. Which is great! As well as the format you put your poem in. Very nicely done!

Great job. PM me for any questions on the nonsense of a tired reviewer above.

Kamas

hi!
I liked your poem.it is almost as good as your other writing!

the only hitch i found in the poem was that, maybe, it went off the track a bit. i wasn't able to get it thoroughly...

otherwise, the poem was lovely! good that you mentioned why you had named it Australia or else the poem would have become pretty confusing!

my favorite lines were :-

honour-wrapped smart moves
ever-correct firm steps,

Your images,
sparkle-covered bubbly waves
sunshine-bathed crooked smiles,
silently mock
my perception of distance,
gently block
my coy attempts to trust
on shiny hard photographs

i loved the way you have used "silently mock" and "gently block" in the above stanza! these lines bring back the rhythm to the poem.

the best thing what i liked about 'Australia' was that the words used in the poem have been chosen very skilfully. they describe the person in a very different, yet an earnest and zealous tone.
Thanks for informing me about this poem. PM me if you write more!

Thank you all very, very much for your reviews!
(Especially baron.vrinda - PM me if you want any reviews from me )

No harsh critiques? xD
I'm not sure whether I should be happy about that or not +laugh+

I really like this.
I am quite picky when it comes to love poetry, I find it often gets tedious but i really like this one.
Since this is based on a real experience it feels more real, your not making this up.
You write in a whimsical way, but not so whimsical that all it is is fancy words.
My favorite part of this poem is the last stanza. It very must sums this up.
My only concerns is that the flow is a bit clumsy in the middle paragraphs and the rhyming is a bit tedious.
Beside that lovely poem
P.S I am from Australia, we will take very good care of your boyfriend