My part

I play my part well
With a forced smile;
no one knows.
With bottled emotions;
no one suspects.
With dry eyes,
no one guesses.
No one askes, "Are you ok?"
So I continue going
like nothings wrong.
If only they knew
the pain I've been through
The expectations
that crush me from the inside
If only I could be myself
and tell people," No, I'm not ok."
Everything would be alright
I wouldn't have to wear this mask
I wouldn't have to pretend,
I'm not ok
I'm not alright
So I play this part well.

Review timeeee

1. I really like the short line! They add impact and keep the flow going well. I can see you're not going for a rythm and they work really well in the place of rhyme.

2.

If only they knew
the pain I've been through

This solitary and isolated rhyme works really well to emphasise the idea that you are hiding your emotions.

3.

and no one guesses

Sorry to end on a negative but I really dislike this last line, it has not emotive effect and i feel that a poem of this type needs to move the reader in some way to conclude. Try a short sentence or a literary device such as assonance or illiteration.

Hi, I'm Kayem and this is my first review!

I really liked the subject, and the way you handled it. I liked how you told us how you were feeling instead of what you were feeling, giving the reader a chance to put their own meaning to it.

In general, I liked the lack of a real rhythm, but in the middle there are a few lines that rhyme, whereas all the others don't. This affects the flow of the poem, and means it doesn't quite fit together. If you slightly changed the lenghth or the rhythm of the lines then they wouldn't so obviously be a couplet, and they wouldn't be read in such an obviously different way.

I also like the repeated lines, but I think that because the first time it appears is sort of in the middle, it doesn't have the same impact as if the beginning was repeated at the end. This doesn't necessarily need to be changed, it just depends on how important you want the repition to be.

Overall I think it was really good, it could just do with being a bit more consistent so it flows easier when being read.

Well done and I hope my review was helpful.

Kayem
X

Haha when I was writing this poem, it just came out and I didn't realize it rhymed until I read it at the end lol sorry :/

Very interesting subjects. i enjoyed reding this but felt i could not identifie with it, but tht does not mean i did not think it was good. i very much like your writing style.