The Movie for Twilight (Part Two)

JackBauerHasABaldSpot · 2007-12-24T01:14:21Z

This is not meant to be realistic, nor is it meant to be taken seriously (I'd be insulted if you did). This is also just one whole scene, but a long one. There's also a lot more direction, so...try to picture it. (Please) Okay. Let's do this. ____________________________________ Scene V: School Parking Lot B: (seeing something in the back of her truck) What? (steps out and checks the tires) Oh. (a few yards away, at the same time. EDWARD, EMMETT, and J are talking near his car, as A and R are leaning against his car, staring off into space) EMMETT: Hey, look, it's your girlfriend! (laughs with J) EDWARD: Shut up. EMMETT: Come on, go tell her you want to suck her blood AND her-- EDWARD: (reddening) Shut. Up. (EMMETT and J laugh uncontrollably. Suddenly, EMMETT snatches EDWARD's keys) EMMETT: Go on! It's possible. J: Yeah, love conquers all! (both laugh some more as EDWARD tries to get his keys back. J and EMMETT play Monkey-in-the-Middle with his keys. TYLER CROWLEY arrives, and begins to swerve) EMMETT: (not noticing) Catch! (throws, coincidentally, in the direction of B. Keys land right behind her) EDWARD: (squealing) No! (yards back) B: (looking up at the car, seeing EDWARD's horrified face and not realizing it's for his keys) Oh sh--- EDWARD: (speeding over to his keys, suddenly behind B) Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap...(sees them and picks them up, suddenly sees the van coming his way) AHHHHHHHH! (As B tries to shield herself with her arms, EDWARD finally realizes she's right in front of him and tries to use her as a shield, forgetting his high strength, but his hands slip, causing him to push the van forward) EDWARD: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap (looking for his keys, which have fallen again, and lifts the van in his search) B: (after being knocked down, rubs her head) Ow, what happened? Hey! What are you doing here? (as EDWARD lifts her and finds his keys. While she looks away, he kisses his keys, and notices her) EDWARD: Oh, hey. B: (in disbelief) Hi. How did you---? EDWARD:Wow. He needs to learn how to drive. B: It's from the ice. It's hard to drive in the ice. Unknown voice: Hold on! We'll get you right out! EDWARD: You drove fine. B: That's because of my--never mind. How did you get here so fast? EDWARD: (looks blank, since he actually forgot) I..uh...I've been here the whole time. B: No you weren't. You were playing that--- EDWARD: (getting serious) I've been here the whole time. (paramedics get them out. EDWARD, who hates stretchers, declines his. C, who was across the street at a diner, walks to them) C: (sees B) Oh, it's you. What were you, drunk or something? B: (rubbing her head) No. C: Oh. Then, why'd they call me here? Paramedic: Well, she's your daughter. Don't you want to join her? C: (looks blank) Yeah...you see, I was sort of, in the middle of my breakfast, so...Could I catch up with you? Say...ten minutes? Paramedic: Sir, your daughter and this gentleman were very lucky to have come out the way they did. She was centimeters from death. C: Hmmm. Yeah...whatever. I'll catch up with you guys. (gives B a pat on the back) EDWARD: (recognizing him) Oh, hi! This is yours, right? (gives C his gun back) C: Hey, thanks! See, Bella? He's cool. (gives him a high-five) B: (open-mouthed) He stole your gun, aren't you going to do something? C: (laughing) Do something? Like what? (mock-points his gun at EDWARD, who mock-panics) Freeze! You stole my gun! You might as well have raped my dog! Freeze before I make your stupid ass look like a Dalmation's, you pale son of a bitch! (laughs loudly with EDWARD as he puts his gun away) EDWARD: oh, sorry about it being empty. My brothers were pissing me off and--- C: (waves it off) Eh. We'll discuss that manure later. Eh. (chuckles as he pats EDWARD's shoulder amiably) Good kid. Tell your parents they're doing a fine job. EDWARD: (mock salutes) Sure will! C: (still chuckling) Eh-heh...I'll see you guys soon. (walks back) B: (watching her father return to the diner as they put her in the ambulance) That's so unf--- EDWARD: (laughing with the paramedics) Let's roll! Hold on, Bella! ___________________________________ I make reference to Mr. Stephen T. Colbert on the baby carrots contribution. The man can be quite a character. But no worries. It's as Sleeping V typed: baby carrots is out . Small (but Significant) Note: B= Bella J=Jasper R=Rosalie A=Alice C=Charlie

Dreamworx95

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Sun Feb 08, 2009 9:34 pm

Dreamworx95 says... · Sun Feb 08, 2009 9:34 pm

Omg- this is brilliant!

http://aseattlegirlsblog.tumblr.com/
http://clamor-journal.com/clamor-2015/2015-prose/stew/
http://clamor-journal.com/breakdown/
http://clamor-journal.com/fingertips/

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littlemissgluttonous

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Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:17 pm

littlemissgluttonous says... · Wed Mar 11, 2009 10:17 pm

A little crude in humor... but all in all it's pretty hilarious. Of course, I hate twilight to the ends of this earth, so in my mind anything that hates on Bella and Edward is fine by me.
Great Job

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peanutgallery007

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Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:12 am

peanutgallery007 says... · Mon Mar 16, 2009 2:12 am

This piece wasn't nearly as funny as the previous one, mostly because this one had more "wrong" stuff so to speak in it. Otherwise, I laughed a bit. Try to think of your OWN comical stories instead of fan fiction. Originality is key!

Have a peanut =)

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hales13

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Wed May 13, 2009 7:26 pm

hales13 says... · Wed May 13, 2009 7:26 pm

He finally remembers her name!
hahahahaha.
That one was amazing as well as the first.
Like i saad in my last post,

YOU MUST DO MORE!

-Whisper words of wisdom...[b]let it be[/b].

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eddykins

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Sun May 24, 2009 5:24 pm

eddykins says... · Sun May 24, 2009 5:24 pm

Actually, this really sort of fleshes out the actual scene - even if you weren't going for realism, it felt more like it. I can totally see Edward having gone and stopped the van to save his keys instead of Bella, given the way he treated her chapters before.

Overall this was humorous and a nice rewrite.

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Imagination'sQuill

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Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:05 am

Imagination'sQuill says... · Sun Jun 14, 2009 6:05 am

HAHAHAHAH That was hilarious! Edward saving her by mistake is genius! The whole Twilight craze annoys the heck out of me! The books were ok, nothing amazing and the whole obsession with them is insane! Bravo to you for poking fun!

~Quill
"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players..."
-- William Shakespeare

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EmmaJane

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Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:11 pm

EmmaJane says... · Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:11 pm

B: (open-mouthed) He stole your gun, aren't you going to do something?

C: (laughing) Do something? Like what? (mock-points his gun at EDWARD, who mock-panics) Freeze! You stole my gun! You might as well have raped my dog! Freeze before I make your stupid ass look like a Dalmation's, you pale son of a bitch! (laughs loudly with EDWARD as he puts his gun away)

EDWARD: oh, sorry about it being empty. My brothers were pissing me off and---

Like, freakin' hilarious!! "You might as well have raped my dog! Freeze before I make your stupid ass look like a Dalmation's, you pale son of a bitch!" <- Funniest thing I've heard in ages!

Some people who take the mick out of Twilight just aren't that funny, but you, my friend, have got it totally right. *round of applause*

As for constructive criticism - there really is nothing that strikes me as massively incorrect. Just "Dalmation's" should be "Dalmatian’s". I just loved the idea of saving the keys instead of Bella. :smt003

Please, write more!

~EmmaJane

Your = Possession. Your shoes are so sweet!
You're = Omission. You're quite strange...

If you are confused about which to put, simply say in your mind "you are" and see if that fits the sentence. If not, you are looking for your.

Little Macey | Got YWS? | KOTS:BD

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ofir

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Tue Oct 06, 2009 7:43 pm

ofir says... · Tue Oct 06, 2009 7:43 pm

This was so funny! I especially loved the part about the keys. LOL. This rocks. By the way, great imagination, I probably wouldn't have been able to think of about half of that. Any chance for part three?

"if you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it." - Captain Jack Sparrow

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