Let us talk about OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder); each person’s OCD is different, just like no two fingerprints are the same. OCD is very common, most people have minor symptoms that don’t really affect their lives severely but some people are affected more than others and can spend an entire hour doing one thing until they feel it is completely right.
People that suffer OCD often have reasons or justifications of why they do what they do. No one can explain to someone without Obsessive Compulsive Disorder the feeling that they get and the fact that the feeling doesn’t go away unless that person does what the feeling tells them to, and they justify that feeling with their greatest fears such as “If I don’t do (insert OCD behavior) then I fear that I will die” . They might know that what they are doing isn’t logical and that it is impossible to die just from not doing what a feeling tells them but they do it anyway because the feeling just keeps pressing harder and harder until it is impossible to ignore and they just give way and do what it asks.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a mental problem not physical, this means that if a person with OCD does not think of their behavior, they do not get the feeling and therefore do not even think of doing the behavior connected with that feeling.
OCD behavior can change over time, someone that suffers from a typical OCD behavior such as washing their hands over and over again, might go to bed one night and then wake up the next morning and not get that feeling to continually wash their hands but then to balance it out they may get a new feeling to do something else instead. This happens rarely but it does occur every now and again.
I myself have OCD, which I believe I started showing symptoms of around 2 years ago. I have an extensive range of OCD behavior some typical some not so typical, some are small and do not take much of my time but most affect my day-to-day life majorly. For instance, swearing, no one has ever heard me swear because every time I do hear a swear word I have to repeat the opposite word of said swear word 8 times in my head, the same goes if I see a swear word on paper or a website those are not the only words I cannot repeat, every syllable of massive I cannot say or the word opposite of skinny, or thin, the opposite of smart or any other syllables of that and many other words. That is the only example I shall provide because there are too many and are too difficult to explain to you , if you do want some more examples just tell me and I will try my best to provide more =).
You may be wondering what my greatest fears are that rationalizes the strange behaviors I do, there is not being skinny, not being smart (hence not being able to say the words), general bad luck and never getting this certain girl who I shall not embarrass by name. I know that these fears are irrational but the feeling I get is, as I said before, very persistent and hard to ignore because I keep thinking of it.
I have stated that I started showing OCD-like behavior 2 years ago, I have a theory that my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder was triggered because of that certain girl I mentioned before. She arrived at my school, I started to like her and then a couple months later the OCD began. I still like her now even more than I did when I asked her out the first time and got rejected (that was before I even knew her though so I don’t blame her
). If I had provided you more details about my symptoms (again ask away I will tell you more) you might be wondering “how could anyone live like that? They would go insane!” but the truth is, it was a bit difficult at first but after two years I have gotten used to it and it has really become an instinctual thing I don’t even bother fighting it anymore, and if you told me you could remove it I would say “No”, I wouldn’t know how to live without it.
I have only told one person about this, and that is my close friend, who I would trust with anything, not even my parents are aware of this, and I don’t plan on telling them anytime soon. At first my friend did not know how I lived with such a thing without going insane (although I had told him all my symptoms, not just the one) because he thought he had persistence, but he admitted that he would have gone insane if it was him. I would just like to thank him for listening to me; it really did help me a lot.
I just thought I would share this with you guys to help me relieve my feelings, to explain to those who don’t know what OCD is and maybe I have helped someone with OCD understand.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
By Alex Borchers
(or ShadeZ)
