Hope - A mother's tale

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**NOTE BEFORE YOU READ ** : Cox's Bazar in Bangladesh is the largest beach town in the worl
Also note that the Liberation War of 1971 mentioned was between the East Pakistanis (present day Bangladesh) and the ruthless conquerors West Pakistanis (present day Pakistan)




We chose the quietest beach in Cox's Bazar.
There was only one cottage - right by the Bay of Bengal. The beach was known as "The Old Witch," and was considered haunted. A beach - haunted? Haha.
The manager of the cottage, who lived a bit farther from the "haunted" area, showed us the place and made my parents sign some papers.
As I was getting into the cabin, I noticed her.
She was sitting there, looking onto the sea. The sun would set soon. This time of day was perfect for a swim. However, the woman seemed oblivious to all this.
"Who is that?" I asked the manager.
The man looked back curiously. But seeing who I meant he turned back, uninterested.
"Never mind her," he said as we entered the cottage.
I was not allowed to swim that evening. We freshened and watched the sunset. The manager brought us dinner. Every time I'd look out the window, I'd see her.
I woke up excited, ate quickly and ran towards the sea, my feet making heavy prints in the sand. As I was about to plunge into the water, I noticed the woman.
For the first time I saw her face. Her face was wrinkled as if she was well over ninety. I went closer.
"I told you, I will NOT go away," she said, her shaken voice suddenly making me jump.
"Huh?"
"Oh. Just a tourist."
"Um..."
"What do you want with me? Go play."
"If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?" she laughed in her broken voice. "Have you not heard the local stories? Why they call this place "The Old Witch?"
"No."
"You see, I am the Old Witch.
"You don't seem like a witch," I said, surprised.
"Hmm," the woman said. "I have been sitting in this very spot for thirty-nine years."
"Why?"
"It's a very dull story," she said.
"Please..." I almost pleaded.
"Alright," she smiled. "It's nice to have someone interested. Most of them run away when they see me."
I sat down beside her.
"I have that day clear in my mind," she began. "November 12th, 1970. You do know what happened that day?"
"No," I said, guiltily.
"Okay, I didn't expect you to," she said. "It was the day of the deadliest cyclone in the world - right here, in the Bay of Bengal."
"Really?"
"Yes," she said. "My son, then eighteen, had always wanted to join the Navy. His father had died the previous year, and I was not going to let my only companion go off that easily."
She heaved a deep, mournful sigh.
"But he showed me the point," she said. "He told me how the West Pakistanis would declare war any moment, and how a strong Navy could have been a way to defeat them."
She paused again.
"The idea of my son freeing this country overwhelmed me," she said in a low voice. "And so I gave him the permission. And on THAT very night. The 12th of November."
"Oh no."
"Oh YES...how I regret that day," she wept. "The cyclone had to cross the sea that very night, when my little boy was in his ship, with all his friends., promising he would be back..."
Her eyes were more wet than the sea.
"I have been sitting here since the minute he went on board."
"The storm passed me," she said "It didn't have its effects on me. I was praying for my boy to be safe. He would not break his promise right?"
I was crying myself.
"Years passed. I saw the Liberation War with my own eyes. I always hoped I would hear the news of the Navy's triumphs...but I never did," she said, her voice shakier than ever. "I lost my eyesight twenty years ago. But so what? I can see him better now...in my mind."
She was blind?
"The people here sometimes bring me food. But most of the time I hardly eat."
I could not move from my place.
"How do you survive?" I asked.
"That's easy - I survive...on hope."




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Hey there PP! I'm Irish! I'm on your team for the game show thing, and let me say, glad to have you onboard! We have an awesome team :D

Ok time to critique! (I'm very new at this so let me know how I do):

Grammar:

Her eyes were more wet than the sea.


That line sounds very awkward, instead of saying "more wet", which I don't believe is grammatically accurate, change it to "Her eyes were wetter than the sea"

Things I noticed in the story:

The only thing I really noticed that was off on the story was the dialogue and the story itself went just a little fast. I think just a tad more detail and dialogue would even that out perfectly!

Overall:

The story was very heartwarming to me. My uncle was the Navy for a couple years when I was very young, and my late neighbor (R.I.P Bumpa :( ) was in WWII, and my Nana probably thought of him everyday!

That story made me think of my Bumpa and my uncle, and how all of us must have felt when they left (I wasn't alive for my Bumpa leaving though.) And it just touches me! Great job :)

Keep it up!

-Irish
I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. - Robert McCloskey

Teacher: What do we, in the U.S enjoy from places like Mexico?
Student: Wait, legally?

WARNING: This user carries a spatula.




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Is this non-fiction?

I like this story a lot. It's very eerie, like one of those open-ended Misty of Chincoteague books.

Maybe I'm stating the obvious, but you start the story by saying that the beach is haunted, and don't mention it again. However you give that impression that the Old Witch is a ghost throughout the story. So I'm not sure if this story is about a ghost or not. Maybe you meant to do that, or maybe I'm not concentrating.

As far as aesthetics go, I'm a big fan of separating dialogue with italics somewhere. Maybe assign italics to one character, or thoughts, or narration. I just like that, but of course there's nothing wrong with the way you've done it.

I know I was no help at all, but perhaps I gave you a giggle or two with my loose-headed chatter.

Keep writing.
"Oh Tigger, where are your manners?"
"I don't know, but I bet they're having more fun than I am."
- A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh




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This was really sad, but in a good way because it tells people to never give up hope. Like the old saying 'Never give up, never surrender!' I liked it alot, it was brilliantly sad, but beautiful. Congrats.
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me




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thats easy, i survive..on hope


this was my favorite line in your story. But why does the old woman call it easy? Instead, shouldn't you write "i survive... on hope".

i felt that your story was a little too fast... maybe you should add a little more emotions to it.

however, i liked it!
Enjoy every moment of your life; you never know when it might come to an end...



I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
— Mitch Hedberg