Pieces of People

Well I thought I should just post all 9 Chapters I have till now.

Synopsis:

The world is ended. Few have transcended the end of the world, and all of them wish they hadn't. Because the world is a desolate place, silent and unchanging. People wish to end their lives, but they cannot, for they are now immortal. They are doomed to living a meaningless existence.
Sayr is one such survivor. His people are now called Humes. They have developed an ability. But it's useless. Nothing matters anymore. However, one fateful day, he meets Fleur, a little girl who also survived the end of the world. But she is different. In ways Sayr thought were never possible. In the end it is she who proves to him that even at the end of the world, there are things which still matter, even after the world has ended.
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I wrote this novel in a very experimental way. This is a character exploration novel, meaning it doesn't have much of a plot until later in the book, since the first half focuses mainly on character development, moved along by 1-chapter or 2-chapter sub-plots and character arcs.

It's rated R for some sexual content and language.

I hope you guys enjoy it and please feedback as much as possible even harsh critiques I don't mind.

Well, that was certainly a breath of fresh air. With each chapter comes a new level of intensity and fascination. Interesting.

So far your plot is advancing (albeit slowly, especially during the traveling) and your characters are developing nicely.

One thing I'm seeing over and over is you. Breaking up your sentences like I just did. And it gets extremely vexatious.

Break this habit before it becomes too ingrained

Another thing I've noticed is you starting your sentences with And, But, Or, Because, and other naughty sentence starters. That's a no-no.

I'll critique it in three parts, 25 or so pages each. I'm halfway into the second critique. So far so good

Thankyou so much for your in-depth critiques. Just a few things which perhaps I could have informed better.

The prologue is narrated in 3rd person by a character who hasn't been introduced yet. The '
'watchful eye' of the book, so to speak.
Also the names at the top of the chapters indicate who is narrating. The title of the chapter would be beneath it in inverted commas.

The first few chapters are chronologically inter cut. But then the story moves in a linear fashion all the way.

And I believe you are so right I have such a bad habit of using malevolent starter words and breaking up sentences. I hate it with a passion but it's become ingrained within me and I have to fight it to get rid of it >.<

I'm really grateful for all your critiques. I have to find out how to do those comment thingies because they seem extremely useful.

Thanks again

Most of the same problems as before. Just move the plot a bit faster and fix those two main flaws and you're all good

Finally! I found a break in my routine for some reading time

Good stuff ya got here. Comments in the document.

This sounds like an intriguing work. I'll get back to you when I've finished reading the entire 75 pages.

Thank you all for your comments and for your time and dedication to review my work

At the moment the piece of work is still unfinished I'm definitely almost halfway done. I'm sorry that I failed to mention this before but it somehow skipped my mind.

Again I'm really really really grateful and I am glad I managed to intrigue you Thank you so very much

EDIT: I have finished chapter 10 Attaching it here

I'll get to work on chapter 10 as soon as I can. Maybe today, even.

Same. (This post will be replaced with a review. Watch this space!)

Thanks to all for your time

I've now finished chapter 11. Enjoy

My apologies for not getting back to you sooner. Pretty much my review from the first time remains the same. Great dialogue, great characterization. I'm liking where the story's going. I'll read chapter 11 tonight and I'll pm you when I'm finished.

Finished chapter 11. Not much has changed for me here. The pace is still developing well. Characterization is great. Wish I had more to say, but I don't. Let me know when the next bit is done.