Museum

…and this, ladies and gentlemen, is the wooden chair
He passed his last few moments in. Yes, madam?
How old was he? Oh, no more than twenty, I expect,
The poor thing. This is his tie from the school he went to
Over here – no, sir, he was never voted prefect, but
We don’t think he seemed to mind. And this was his bedroom,
As he left it, with all his battered poetry collections, signed:
Heaney, Armitage, and this supposedly
Best friend of his – Iranian chap – who’s just won the Nobel
Prize, I believe. I like to think his mind is still scribbling away
Here when it’s twilight, editing the next piece of a masterpiece –
Yes, at the back? Which is his most famous poem? Well, sir, that very much depends
On whom you talk to…

Anyway, if you’ll please follow me, ladies and gentlemen,
The gift shop’s just through here.

First, let me say that this poem is extraordinarily good, especially given your age. I wouldn't be surprised to see it in a collection or on a school curriculum. It's very, very well done--you should be proud.

If I had to make any comment, it would be that the line structure seems a bit arbitrary. I couldn't make out why the line breaks were where they were, why the lines were so long, why it was structured the way it was. As it is, it's sort of a prose poem, which I think takes away from the effect a little. Don't get overdramatic with it, of course, but I might suggest a couple of more strategically placed phrases or line breaks, to give the poem a clearer focus or center.

Excellent work, though. I look forward to seeing your other poems here. Keep writing!

~Stripes

Wow...this was pretty good! =D I liked the way it seemed like a poetry-prose. We study a lot of those in school in our native tounge but it's nice to finally see one in English
Great job on it! I enjoyed reading it
Good luck for the future and keep writing!

Very nice. I loved the way you began already in the middle of a speech. It was kind of a cool way to throw the reader right into the poem.

I don't write much poetry and so can't give you a fantabulous critique, but I did have a question about the beginning letters: You capitalized the beginning letter of every line, but is that necessary? It just sort of feels like it is breaking up the flow of the poem even when you're leaving the ends open without punctuation.

Just my two cents. Overall, lovely piece. I liked the effect of the last few lines. Rather ironic and sad.

*thumbs up*

~GryphonFledgling