Please tell me what you think of this!

Ok this is a song i've been working on for the best part of 2 hours and i would like to know if you can think of any more to go with it. Can you also tell me what you think coz' my band is expecting something good! Thanks for helping!


Start it all over again.
Verse 1:
I’m writing in the car,
Without my guitar
And the words just don’t seem to fit.
But I’ll carry on,
For a little bit
I really don’t think I’ll finish it.

Chorus:
Coz’ I just can’t find,
That piece of my mind
You know that little creative bit
But I just can’t quit,
Now that I’m into it
Guess I’ll have to start it all over again.

Verse 2:
I’m sat at home,
All on my own
Feeling really frustrated.

It sounds really good so far. I guess it just depends on what type of music your band is playing. So I don't know how it will sound. But from what I can tell, you've got a pretty good start for a song. I get the point of it so far, but you might want to add to the feeling in it. You can apply what I've said to your song or you can ignore it, it doesn't bother me. I like the song so far, I hope you keep writing stuff like this. Good luck, with everything, I hope your band likes it.

Keep writing!
Teddy

Thanks Teddy. I will put your advice to good use

It's a really good so far, it shows what your thinking in the beginning & how you got into it just saying how your feeling.

Thanks 4 the advice TeeHeex3!

OK.

I really liked this song, it's a good topic to pick - I know how hard it is trying to write when you're not in the mood!

However, I'm not really a big fan of A-A-B-B rhyme schemes, although this cannot really be rearranged as it would mean the entire song would cease to make sense!

As a poem, however, this is truly excellent x

Keep writing,
Pgsgirl x

Hmmm, I have mixed feelings on this. The lyrics seem really choppy. Each line is like "Okay, I'm here... Neeexxxttt line." I'm sure a lot of feeling was put into this but I just don't really see it. Maybe it's just me though! I do like the whole concept though! Good luck with your band

~time8keeper

I actually find this quite funny. You have channelled your creativity into not having any ideas. Would ironic fit? Anyway, great song. It was catchy, but I think the syllabication wasn't always the same, and didn't always fit.