Just Like

The monarchs fly just like at home
Surrounded by people yet never so alone
If there was a best place to go,
This would be it
Just fall into a thousand shades of blue

Just one star
A lonely point in the ebony
Curtain hanging overhead
The light sees its own reflection
Then hides behind the clouds

Because
The monarchs fly just like at home
Surrounded by people yet never so alone
If there was a best place to go,
This would be it
Just fall into a thousand shades of blue

There’s so much beauty and so much pain
Everyone seems to like this game
Curl up in the corner to avoid it all
Keep safe behind empty walls
Try and shut out the light

Because
The monarchs fly just like at home
Surrounded by people yet never so alone
If there was a best place to go,
This would be it
Just fall into a thousand shades of blue

Hold tight to motivation
Before it goes slipping-sliding away
Throw coins into wishing wells and
Hope for the best
To try and change the inevitable

Because
The monarchs fly just like at home
Surrounded by people yet never so alone
If there was a best place to go,
This would be it
Just fall into a thousand shades of blue

Even Superman isn’t invincible
Your kryptonite is the pain
And the only thing that can
Pierce hardened muscles is
The silver shine of a knife

Break loose from the cycle
Before all sanity goes crawling away
Drop the smoke and bottles
To seek cleansing in the
Cool, stormy waters

Because
The monarchs fly just like at home
Surrounded by people yet never so alone
If there was a best place to go,
This would be it
Just fall
Just like at home (just fall)
(just fall ) (just fall) (just fall)
Into a thousand shades of blue

:O At the bottom of the page and no reviews! Hawkie must fix.

First of all, I don't understand your theme very well. Is this a love song, a breakup song, a song about life? I know you're trying to use symbolism, and symbolism is wonderful, but it has to be clear what's being symbolized, especially in a song.

Also, I think this song is too long. You have, what, five verses? You're also lacking a bridge, which makes it seem repetitive.

Just fall into a thousand shades of blue

I really like this line. It paints a vivid image and has a lot of feeling behind it.

A lonely point in the ebony

Curtain hanging overhead

"Ebony" and "curtain" should be on one line, or else the lyric feels broken.

There’s so much beauty and so much pain

Everyone seems to like this game

Curl up in the corner to avoid it all

Keep safe behind empty walls

You seem to be telling your listener that it's not worth getting out there and living. If that's your point, then fine, but it's a rather odd message.

And the only thing that can

Pierce hardened muscles is

The silver shine of a knife

This feels rough-edged to me. It doesn't flow well with the other stanzas - maybe the lines are too short.

I think you have some good groundwork here; however, it definitely needs some polishing. The best part of the song is the refrain. I can hear the music in my head!

Good job and keep writing.

-Hawks-

I don't know much about writing songs, but I do rather like your imagery. I like songs that put pictures in my head. I also agree--

Just fall into a thousand shades of blue

is a great line.

I also enjoy the hope in your song, like in this verse:

Hold tight to motivation
Before it goes slipping-sliding away
Throw coins into wishing wells and
Hope for the best
To try and change the inevitable

I especially like the "change the inevitable." It's like saying nothing's impossible, but in a more original way.

Sorry I haven't been much help--I'm a little rusty with this reviewing thing. I really did like it, though! Have a great day!

--Anna