The house of singing birds.

This is a short poem i wrote a few months ago which I thought i would share with you all.
I hope you enjoy it.


I remember so well that house of singing birds.
that, it's only assured sound.
many noises i had heard there,
most unpredictable, loud, frightening.
But always in the morning.
The singing of the birds.
thundering t.v mornings, pounding Black metal afternoons, at night screams?.
The slamming of doors, the baying of hounds,
Grinding it's way into your ears as if to penetrate your very being!.
But then.
Silence, perhaps for a few moments.
And you will hear it.
The sound of the singing birds behind all others,
As if it where the sound upon which the foundation of all sounds were built.
I have no love for that place.
But sometimes even now, when the fury of the world becomes to much for me to bear.
In my mind's eye.
I can return, To those cool spring mornings.
And the one pleasant sound.
In the house of singing birds.

This is beautiful!!
I loved it from start to finish...some poems have a way of starting well and loosing their theme and storyline in the final stanza or lines.


'....The sound of the singing birds behind all others,
As if it where the sound upon which the foundation of all sounds were built...' Execellent!!

The foundation of all sounds...it sounds so good and at the same time very well describing the unique and touching sound of the birds singing!! Makes me feel like i hear the birds LOL! Some capitalization of letters after full stops and punctuation here and there will make it perfect!

Anyway really good writing.

Hi.

I really enjoyed this. I especially liked;
"thundering t.v mornings, pounding Black metal afternoons, at night screams?.
The slamming of doors, the baying of hounds,
Grinding it's way into your ears as if to penetrate your very being!.
But then.
Silence, perhaps for a few moments."

and

"To those cool spring mornings.
And the one pleasant sound.
In the house of singing birds."

I think some of the punctuation could be tidied up a bit. I'll take you through it line by line;

"I remember so well that house of singing birds;
that, it's only assured sound. (I'd change "that" to "song" and get rid of the comma)
many noises i had heard there, (Capital "I")
most unpredictable, loud, frightening. (I'd try a dash instead of a full stop)
But always in the morning.(I'd try a comma instead)
The singing of the birds.
thundering t.v mornings, pounding Black metal afternoons, at night screams?. (Capital "T" for "thundering" I'd put a comma after "night" and "screams")
The slamming of doors, the baying of hounds,
Grinding it's way into your ears as if to penetrate your very being!.(You don't need an apostrophe in "it's" as that's only for if you're saying "it is".)
But then. (I'd cut the full stop)
Silence, perhaps for a few moments.
And you will hear it.(I'd try a semicolon instead)
The sound of the singing birds behind all others,
As if it where the sound upon which the foundation of all sounds were built.
I have no love for that place. (I love this line)
But sometimes even now, when the fury of the world becomes to much for me to bear.(comma)
In my mind's eye.(I'd cut the full stop)
I can return, To those cool spring mornings.(No capital "T" for "to" and no full stop)
And the one pleasant sound.(I'd cut the full stop".)
In the house of singing birds." (I love this ending)

Ok, now I'm just going to talk a little about punctuation in general. A full stop would be for when you've come to the end of a thought.

A comma would be for a brief pause, or if you have a list of words.

A semicolon is for connecting two sentences which could be sentences in their own right when there is no conjunction between them. For example, " I thought it would be a beautiful day; how wrong I was!"


A colon is used before giving a list.

A dash can be used instead of commas, or if you want to use a sentence and a half;
"The weather was horrible-rain, rain and more rain."

There's likely an article on this in the database so I'd check there.

Hope this helps.

Jas

Thank you Jas that is helpfull. I think due to my dyspraxia (i use that as a fact not an excuse) that even at twenty one years of age punctuation can still confuse the heck out of me. But i am glad you liked the poem none the less.

That was exquisite!
It reminded me of whimsical things, but, at the same time, sophistication.
Everyone else already got to the grammar-related things, so I'm just here to offer encouragement. Good stuff:)